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I thought I was the only mouse for you, Sar.

Just finished 'Naughty Nude Girls Inside A Russian Borstal' which was a fantastic critique of the eastern European prison system. I have to say, though, that some of the Naughty Nude Girls appeared to have their Human Rights violated on a regular basis which made me feel rather uncomfortable...

If aliens supposedly haven't landed on earth yet, then who were those metal people who did the Cadbury's 'Smash' adverts years ago when they were laughing at humans peeling potatoes ? Yeah, thought that might make you take notice. They also had a flying saucer in the background and the fact...

Call me a weirdo if you like but I find that a freshly cooked cod fillet in a crispy batter goes very well with a portion of freshly fried chips. I'm thinking of branching out and maybe opening a shop - it will be called 'Mo's Chips & Fish' or something like that.

You're a hard woman, Sar.

I suppose so. Due to local tier 2 restrictions, it will have to be a virtual canoodle, Sar.

I've just finished 'Killer Zombie Nuns Tripping On Acid' which was quite an interesting read. I won't give away too much but Sister Cordelia is going straight to hell, the filthy mare.

I think it would suit you, Sar, my little zebra.

The debate rages on. If I may, I'll throw into the mix that I had a cup of decaf coffee today. It was alright.

I abhor beetroot. I can barely look at it. I cannot be in the same room as anyone eating it.

Sar, are you sure they were real ? I mean, they weren't like wax fruit for decoration, were they ? You did chew them, didn't you ?

I've just had a mug of tea and I used my right hand to drink it with. I didn't have any sugar in it though. Okay, I think that's everyone up to date with all my news.

I had some egg fried rice from the local Chinese tonight. Had it with some char sui pork and mushrooms. Okay, a bit off topic, as it wasn't Uncle Ben's but what the **** do you lot want ? Blood ?

Okay Sar, I'm convinced. You are the brainiest bird on the forum. You'll be spouting French next, saying things like petit pois and voulez vous couchez avec moi ce soir.

Talking of face coverings, I went to see The Phantom Of The Opera last night. The main character was wearing his all the way through the performance which made his voice a bit muffled, especially when he was singing but fair play to him. At least we all felt safe.

Hmmmmm. I'm a sucker for hard luck stories, Sar, so okay. We're back on. Talking of being brainy, do you know much about that bloke Occam and his disposable razor or whatever it is ? And logarithms ? And nuclear fission ? The reason I ask is because I don't just want a bimbo for a bird.

I'm not a great fan of rice, to be honest. I prefer baked potatoes, especially with a knob of butter, although I wouldn't really have one for my main meal if I was really hungry. If I was really hungry, I'd probably go for a piece of steak and some roast potatoes. I mean, home made roast...

I've just finished The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe. It was okay but I much prefer 'Hamlet' by William Shakespeare. There are no rhyming couplets in it and, frankly, it isn't even written in iambic pentameters. I felt like I wanted to vomit when I realised.

Sar, it's over between us. I didn't realise that you were a freaky, round the bend bird.

I sometimes think that I am the only normal person on here. Everyone else is a bit of a weirdo.