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<blockquote data-quote="Karin" data-source="post: 214974" data-attributes="member: 57167">Thank you Shan. I am glad that you think the story is awesome. :ch:Thank you also to everyone who has been rating the posts. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile&nbsp; &nbsp; :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" />*Later that night all the lights at Southfork had gone out, as the people in the house were all sound asleep. But out in the storage room by the garage there was a light on, as Bobby had snuck out of the house to go look for something. He hadn’t been able to go to sleep and after laying awake for two hours, listening to the sound of his wife’s breathing, he had eventually given up and got up.&nbsp; This was just something he had to do and it couldn’t wait until morning. He needed some answers now. So he turned the place upside down, while he looked for the letter and eventually he found it. His hands trembled as he opened it and began reading it.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; “My Darling Bobby,Please forgive me. I know how I’ve hurt you and Christopher but believe me I’ve done the best thing for all of us. When I saw myself in the mirror, I couldn’t stand&nbsp; the thought of you or Christopher ever seeing me that way. I don’t know if anything can ever be done to help me but I couldn’t stand to destroy our love by having you see me the way I am. You know how much I love you both and if you love me I beg you not to try and find me. Remember me as I was before the accident and take care of our son. The hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life is to leave the two of you. Understand that and please let me find the way myself. I love you forever. Pam.”&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Reading the letter over and over again he started to remember another letter that had been read to him by Katherine all those years ago.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; “I was sure I wanted a divorce from my husband. I am less sure now only because I know a divorce from him would hurt him very deeply. Bobby and I have grown apart and my love for him has changed. But I still care deeply for Bobby and would never ever hurt him and therefore our marriage can’t be easily dismissed. Therefore I might remain with my husband even if it no longer makes me happy in order to avoid causing him that pain, perhaps that’s what I have to do. I know we would both be better off if Bobby would just let me go. But if he doesn’t I may have to return to him and if I do I have to put his happiness above my own.”&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Remembering the words that Katherine had read him he could see it more clearly now. Both letters had a streak of a selflessness, of wanting to do what she thought was best for him, whether that was leaving him or returning to him. It was about putting his needs above her own and spare him of pain. Both letters also pleaded with him to let her go since it was for the best. Coming to that realization and staring at the typed letter he held in his hands he felt like kicking himself for not seeing it before. But he had been too hurt and completely devastated when he received the letter to doubt that it could be from anyone else but Pam. Besides the chairman of Wentworth Industries had reassured him that it was Pam’s wish to leave him and that Katherine was not involved and blindly he had trusted the man. But knowing what he knew now he realized that the man must have been in on the conspiracy with Katherine. It must have been Katherine who had given him the letter and told him what to tell Bobby and he had believed him.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Now he felt incredibly guilty for doing so. For just giving up on his wife without even a proper conversation. He and Pam had been married for 8 years all together so he should have known her well enough to know that she would never just write a dear john letter to end their marriage. It was not her style. The first time she had wanted to file for a divorce she had told him in person. So even if she didn’t want him to see her she would at least have called him. But she hadn’t and he had let Katherine’s letter fool him. But why?&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Looking deep down in his heart for an answer he suddenly remember a conversation he had had with his mother after Pam’s accident.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; He had been standing on the Southfork patio, leaning against a pillar with his back towards his mother, who had been sitting down in a chair,&nbsp; “Bobby, what is it?” She had asked him in a concerned voice. “What’s wrong?”&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; “I’m scared mama,” he confided in her, “I am scared about the way she’s gonna feel.”&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; “What do you mean?”&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Then he turned around to look at her, “Do you remember how you felt after you had had the mastectomy?” Seeing his mother look down, he could still see the pain on her face, “The problems you and daddy had, that you didn’t think you were the same woman that he fell in love with?”&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; She nodded, before saying in a vulnerable voice, “I remember.”&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; “There you see, you still have some of those feelings and it was years ago,” he’d said in a troubled voice. &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;She sighed deeply, “Well it’s not an easy thing to get over,” She paused before adding with a small smile in the corner of her mouth, “But I did.”&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; “But it took time,” he leant against the pillar again, “a long time before you really felt you were still the same woman that daddy loved.”&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; She licked her lips and looked down before admitting, “Yes.”&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; “What if Pam has those same feelings?”&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; “Then you must stand by her,” his mother said as a tear spilled over in the corner of her eye, “and love her, the way your daddy did me.”&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; “Mama, what if she doesn’t want me by her?” Bobby had asked her as he’d walked up to sit down opposite his mother, looking into her eyes.&nbsp; “As much as I love her there’s still a chance she’s not gonna want me with her.”&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; She’d gently touched his hand, “It will work itself out Bobby. I know it will,” she’d said reassuringly and he’d sighed, as his mother went on, “If it’s one thing I know, Pam loves you very much, so no matter how she feels now, you stick by her,” he could see the love and tears in his mother’s eyes as she urged him to be a better man, “Because even if she doesn’t know it she needs you.” &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Remembering that conversation with his mother the tears ran down Bobby’s face. Because he had not done what his mother had wanted him to do. He had not stood by his wife. He had let her go because a part of him had been scared that he would react badly to how Pam looked after the accident. So that goodbye letter had played on his fears and offered him a way out and he had taken it. He had justified his decision with that he had only done what Pam had asked him to do because he loved her. But he knew now that it was not true. “If it’s one thing I know, Pam loves you very much, so no matter how she feels now, you stick by her.&nbsp; Because even if she doesn’t know it she needs you.”&nbsp; His mama’s voice of reason still echoed in his ears and looking back he wished that he had been the man his father was. The one who didn’t take no for an answer and who stood by his woman come hell or high water. If he had, he and Pam would have celebrated their 30th Wedding Anniversary next year. But instead he had given up on her only a year into their second marriage. He had also ignored how much his decision not to look for Pam had hurt their son.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Christopher had sat on a fence, out on the ranch as he had been trying to explain to him why Pam had left. But their son had his own way of reasoning, “Now I know why she didn’t wanna see me and why she left,” Christopher had sounded defensive.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; He’d dropped his mouth as he hadn’t expected that, “Is that right?”&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; “Sure, she doesn’t love me anymore because I am adopted,” Christopher had licked his lips and looked so sad that it broke his heart. &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; “Oh no,” he shook his head, trying to make him understand, “that’s absolutely not true.”&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; “Then why don’t you find her?” Their son had asked him. “I know you could if you really wanted to.”&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; He swallowed as he thought it over. “Yes I suppose I could...”&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; “See but you won’t cause you know mama doesn’t love me anymore,” Christopher had said in a hurt voice and he’d done his best to comfort their son.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; But he hadn’t done the one thing his son had asked him to do. Find his mother and bring her back home. No instead he’d run around with a bunch of other women. He’d had some one night stands and some shorter relationships but none had filled the void that Pam had left in his heart. Then he had fallen in love with April and when he had told his son that he was getting married again Christopher had not reacted with joy. No instead he&nbsp; had stubbornly held out hope that his mother might come back. “What if Mama came back and you were married?” His son’s voice echoed in his ears now. He had always told his son that Pam would never come back and yet now the one thing he had never thought would happen had happened at last. Pam had come back and he was married to someone else. He had told his son that Pam being back changed nothing. Yet he was only fooling himself, because deep down he knew that Pam coming back did matter and it posed a threat to his marriage. So he did the only thing he could do, he kept his distance from her for the sake of his marriage. Even though he sure felt guilty about the way his marriage to Pam had ended now and a part of him wanted nothing more than to go see Pam and beg for her forgiveness.</blockquote>

[QUOTE="Karin, post: 214974, member: 57167"] Thank you [B]Shan.[/B] I am glad that you think the story is awesome. :ch: Thank you also to everyone who has been rating the posts. :) * Later that night all the lights at Southfork had gone out, as the people in the house were all sound asleep. But out in the storage room by the garage there was a light on, as Bobby had snuck out of the house to go look for something. He hadn’t been able to go to sleep and after laying awake for two hours, listening to the sound of his wife’s breathing, he had eventually given up and got up. This was just something he had to do and it couldn’t wait until morning. He needed some answers now. So he turned the place upside down, while he looked for the letter and eventually he found it. His hands trembled as he opened it and began reading it. [I] “My Darling Bobby,[/I] [I]Please forgive me. I know how I’ve hurt you and Christopher but believe me I’ve done the best thing for all of us. When I saw myself in the mirror, I couldn’t stand the thought of you or Christopher ever seeing me that way. I don’t know if anything can ever be done to help me but I couldn’t stand to destroy our love by having you see me the way I am. You know how much I love you both and if you love me I beg you not to try and find me. Remember me as I was before the accident and take care of our son. The hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life is to leave the two of you. Understand that and please let me find the way myself. I love you forever. Pam.”[/I] [I] [/I]Reading the letter over and over again he started to remember another letter that had been read to him by Katherine all those years ago. [I] “I was sure I wanted a divorce from my husband. I am less sure now only because I know a divorce from him would hurt him very deeply. Bobby and I have grown apart and my love for him has changed. But I still care deeply for Bobby and would never ever hurt him and therefore our marriage can’t be easily dismissed. Therefore I might remain with my husband even if it no longer makes me happy in order to avoid causing him that pain, perhaps that’s what I have to do. I know we would both be better off if Bobby would just let me go. But if he doesn’t I may have to return to him and if I do I have to put his happiness above my own.”[/I] Remembering the words that Katherine had read him he could see it more clearly now. Both letters had a streak of a selflessness, of wanting to do what she thought was best for him, whether that was leaving him or returning to him. It was about putting his needs above her own and spare him of pain. Both letters also pleaded with him to let her go since it was for the best. Coming to that realization and staring at the typed letter he held in his hands he felt like kicking himself for not seeing it before. But he had been too hurt and completely devastated when he received the letter to doubt that it could be from anyone else but Pam. Besides the chairman of Wentworth Industries had reassured him that it was Pam’s wish to leave him and that Katherine was not involved and blindly he had trusted the man. But knowing what he knew now he realized that the man must have been in on the conspiracy with Katherine. It must have been Katherine who had given him the letter and told him what to tell Bobby and he had believed him. Now he felt incredibly guilty for doing so. For just giving up on his wife without even a proper conversation. He and Pam had been married for 8 years all together so he should have known her well enough to know that she would never just write a dear john letter to end their marriage. It was not her style. The first time she had wanted to file for a divorce she had told him in person. So even if she didn’t want him to see her she would at least have called him. But she hadn’t and he had let Katherine’s letter fool him. But why? Looking deep down in his heart for an answer he suddenly remember a conversation he had had with his mother after Pam’s accident. [I] He had been standing on the Southfork patio, leaning against a pillar with his back towards his mother, who had been sitting down in a chair, “Bobby, what is it?” She had asked him in a concerned voice. “What’s wrong?”[/I] [I] “I’m scared mama,” he confided in her, “I am scared about the way she’s gonna feel.”[/I] [I] “What do you mean?”[/I] [I] Then he turned around to look at her, “Do you remember how you felt after you had had the mastectomy?” Seeing his mother look down, he could still see the pain on her face, “The problems you and daddy had, that you didn’t think you were the same woman that he fell in love with?”[/I] [I] She nodded, before saying in a vulnerable voice, “I remember.”[/I] [I] “There you see, you still have some of those feelings and it was years ago,” he’d said in a troubled voice. She sighed deeply, “Well it’s not an easy thing to get over,” She paused before adding with a small smile in the corner of her mouth, “But I did.”[/I] [I] “But it took time,” he leant against the pillar again, “a long time before you really felt you were still the same woman that daddy loved.”[/I] [I] She licked her lips and looked down before admitting, “Yes.”[/I] [I] “What if Pam has those same feelings?”[/I] [I] “Then you must stand by her,” his mother said as a tear spilled over in the corner of her eye, “and love her, the way your daddy did me.”[/I] [I] “Mama, what if she doesn’t want me by her?” Bobby had asked her as he’d walked up to sit down opposite his mother, looking into her eyes. “As much as I love her there’s still a chance she’s not gonna want me with her.”[/I] [I] She’d gently touched his hand, “It will work itself out Bobby. I know it will,” she’d said reassuringly and he’d sighed, as his mother went on, “If it’s one thing I know, Pam loves you very much, so no matter how she feels now, you stick by her,” he could see the love and tears in his mother’s eyes as she urged him to be a better man, “Because even if she doesn’t know it she needs you.” [/I] Remembering that conversation with his mother the tears ran down Bobby’s face. Because he had not done what his mother had wanted him to do. He had not stood by his wife. He had let her go because a part of him had been scared that he would react badly to how Pam looked after the accident. So that goodbye letter had played on his fears and offered him a way out and he had taken it. He had justified his decision with that he had only done what Pam had asked him to do because he loved her. But he knew now that it was not true. [I]“If it’s one thing I know, Pam loves you very much, so no matter how she feels now, you stick by her. Because even if she doesn’t know it she needs you.” [/I]His mama’s voice of reason still echoed in his ears and looking back he wished that he had been the man his father was. The one who didn’t take no for an answer and who stood by his woman come hell or high water. If he had, he and Pam would have celebrated their 30th Wedding Anniversary next year. But instead he had given up on her only a year into their second marriage. He had also ignored how much his decision not to look for Pam had hurt their son. [I] Christopher had sat on a fence, out on the ranch as he had been trying to explain to him why Pam had left. But their son had his own way of reasoning, “Now I know why she didn’t wanna see me and why she left,” Christopher had sounded defensive.[/I] [I] He’d dropped his mouth as he hadn’t expected that, “Is that right?”[/I] [I] “Sure, she doesn’t love me anymore because I am adopted,” Christopher had licked his lips and looked so sad that it broke his heart. [/I] [I] “Oh no,” he shook his head, trying to make him understand, “that’s absolutely not true.”[/I] [I] “Then why don’t you find her?” Their son had asked him. “I know you could if you really wanted to.”[/I] [I] He swallowed as he thought it over. “Yes I suppose I could...”[/I] [I] “See but you won’t cause you know mama doesn’t love me anymore,” Christopher had said in a hurt voice and he’d done his best to comfort their son.[/I] [I] [/I]But he hadn’t done the one thing his son had asked him to do. Find his mother and bring her back home. No instead he’d run around with a bunch of other women. He’d had some one night stands and some shorter relationships but none had filled the void that Pam had left in his heart. Then he had fallen in love with April and when he had told his son that he was getting married again Christopher had not reacted with joy. No instead he had stubbornly held out hope that his mother might come back. [I]“What if Mama came back and you were married?”[/I] His son’s voice echoed in his ears now. He had always told his son that Pam would never come back and yet now the one thing he had never thought would happen had happened at last. Pam had come back and he was married to someone else. He had told his son that Pam being back changed nothing. Yet he was only fooling himself, because deep down he knew that Pam coming back did matter and it posed a threat to his marriage. So he did the only thing he could do, he kept his distance from her for the sake of his marriage. Even though he sure felt guilty about the way his marriage to Pam had ended now and a part of him wanted nothing more than to go see Pam and beg for her forgiveness. [/QUOTE]

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