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Message: <blockquote data-quote="James from London" data-source="post: 17703" data-attributes="member: 22">15 May 85: DYNASTY: Royal Wedding v. 16 May 85: KNOTS LANDING: Vulnerable v. 17 May 85: DALLAS: Swan Song v. 17 May 85 FALCON CREST: ConfessionsWith two season finales, three weddings, three deaths and an onscreen massacre, this has to be Soap Land’s most eventful week yet.The first time DALLAS’s Lucy and Mitch got married, their wedding on the cardboard Southfork patio was upstaged by the splendour of Blake and Krystle’s nuptials in the DYNASTY pilot a week earlier. Something similar happens this week when the Ewing-Coopers retie the knot in an intimate gathering in the Southfork living room two days after DYNASTY's Amanda and Prince Michael are married and then immediately gunned down along with their guests in Soap Land’s most stunning, shocking, surreal and disorientating set-piece to date. Simultaneously artful and tacky, it’s like an episode of THE A-TEAM directed by Bernardo Bertolucci, only stranger. The third wedding of the week is a sweet and simple hospital-bound affair on FALCON CREST between Lance, fresh out of prison, and Lorraine, fresh out of a coma.“Swan Song” — the longest individual Soap Land episode since the DYNASTY pilot — re-enacts storylines and situations from DALLAS's previous seven years (Lucy marrying Mitch, Bobby proposing to Pam, Dusty riding to the rescue after JR threatens to send a drunken Sue Ellen back to the sanitarium, the return of Katherine Wentworth, etc.). Likewise, “Royal Wedding”, focusing as it does on the buildup to Michael and Amanda’s nuptials, contains several echoes of that DYNASTY pilot, which centred around Blake and Krystle’s wedding. Elena listing the bride-to-be’s shortcomings (“You’ll never be able to stand this life, Amanda, it’s too demanding, it’s too hard and you don’t have what it takes”) could just as easily be Fallon talking about Krystle before her wedding. Steven looking across the palace grounds to see Adam kissing Claudia recalls the moment he spotted Fallon with Michael from his bedroom window. An angry Blake summoning Adam on the morning of the wedding to discuss his inappropriate choice of partner recalls his equivalent confrontation with Steven before his own ceremony. And, just as there was a sense of impending jeopardy during Blake and Krystle’s wedding as an armed and dangerous Walter Lankershim sped towards the Carrington mansion, so there is during Michael and Amanda’s, thanks to Yuri and his henchmen plotting their military coup. Where Matthew was the outsider trying to stop Walter, here that role is taken by Dex. However, both Matthew and Dex arrive too late to prevent the violence. (The quick cutaways during the ceremony to Dex trying to free himself from his bonds also echo of those of Matthew brooding on a hillside during Blake and Krystle’s exchange of vows.)“A spokesman for the government expressed outrage at the senseless killing of innocent people, calling those responsible nothing but a bunch of cowardly assassins who are like a pack of wild dogs,” says a television newsreader on KNOTS the night after the Moldavian attack. “They don’t care who they kill, do they?” sighs Abby. It’s rare for Soap Land characters to show much interest in events outside their own hermetically-sealed bubble, but Gary and Abby both seem mildly depressed by this unspecified international calamity. Meanwhile, the Mystery Blonde Woman we glimpsed at the end of last week’s DALLAS is even more upset by an early morning news report of the Ewings’ victory party, so much so that she hurls a glass of blood-red tomato juice at her TV when a happily reunited Bobby and Jenna appear onscreen. Like the Moldavian thunder that rumbles early on in this week’s DYNASTY, this outburst introduces an ominous sense of foreboding to the episode.Donna finally tells Ray about her pregnancy on this week’s DALLAS, leading to a meaty dilemma ("You're pregnant, we're separated, so what the hell are you gonna do now, Donna?”) and some heartfelt scenes between them. Over on FALCON CREST, there’s a very neat and quite amusing gender reversal of the same scenario as Cole coolly informs a dismayed Melissa that, “Your plan for surrogate parenthood paid off — Robin’s pregnant!” The surrogacy storyline has probably been my least favourite of this entire Soap Land season — it’s just so silly — but if this scene is the punchline, then perhaps it was worth it.Meanwhile, two newly-married couples discuss the prospect of not having children this week. Again the tone of each scene is quite different. KNOTS goes for the serious angle with Joshua turning away from Cathy after she explains that she isn’t yet ready to start a family. Meanwhile on DALLAS, Cliff admits to Jamie that he’s had a vasectomy in the hopes that she’ll ask for an annulment. However, his plan backfires amusingly when it turns out Jamie is no more interested in becoming a mother than Cathy is. "Oh Cliff!" she gasps sympathetically. "I understand how hard that must have been for you to tell me. It only makes me love you more. I really respect your honesty!”“It’s hard to think of leaving Southfork,” admits Lucy, as she prepares to start a new life in Atlanta with Mitch. “She doesn’t know how lucky she is,” Sue Ellen mutters enviously, lacking the emotional strength to make such a break herself — even though JR is virtually kicking her out the door. "Why don't you leave me and John Ross and Southfork and inflict yourself on somebody else?” he suggests. By contrast, Alexis is furious when Dex announces he’s catching the next plane out of Moldavia. “Don’t you walk out on me, you bastard!” she shouts. We’ve been here before, of course — I’ve lost track of how many times Dex and Alexis have separated since getting married at Christmas, but this time it sounds as if he really has had enough — not just of Alexis but of life inside a soap opera. (“I got mixed up in a world I never should have become a part of — Alexis, the Carringtons, the Colbys, all of you,” he complains, sounding a lot like Mack in last season’s KNOTS.)Of all of these comings and goings, however, none is more interesting than Pamela Lynch’s on FALCON CREST. “I’m in the process of burning my bridges,” she tells Maggie, handing her a tape-recording that proves the judge at Lance’s trial was in Richard’s pocket all along. She then buys up a small company that Angela, Chase and Richard desperately need for their new venture and charges them $50,000,000 for it. Even Angela’s impressed. "You know, my dear, I've never liked you, but I've always admired enterprising young women,” she tells her. It’s always a thrill to see a secondary character suddenly emerge as a major player — before being cruelly but inevitably punished for getting ideas above their station. "Poor Pamela,” Richard tells her at the end of the episode, "you were always too close to the surface, too exposed. It wasn't my work you were doing, it was the cartel's. I turned your name over to the authorities when I found out you had betrayed me. They were fascinated by your dossier. It must have weighed ten pounds.” Pamela's victory may have been short-lived but at least she gets the freeze frame as she snarls at Richard, "I'll kill you! I swear I'll blow you off the face of the earth!” This is the same scenario as Alan Beam and Kristin trying to blackmail JR at the end of DALLAS Season 2 only for him to have them charged with rape and prostitution, but with even higher stakes.If Dex's suspicions are aroused by the unexplained goings-on on DYNASTY (“What are you doing delivering wine at this time of night? What the hell is going on here?” he asks before being clonked on the head), then so are Val's on KNOTS. However, it’s not the behaviour of dodgy-looking delivery men, but that of her closest friends — Karen, Mack and Ben — that is giving her cause for concern. The real reason for their preoccupation is that they are trying to find her babies, but don’t yet want her to know for fear of getting her hopes up. Joshua, meanwhile, preys on his sister's insecurities, suggesting that she has driven her friends away with her neurotic behaviour: “I hate to be the one to tell you this, Val, but you make them feel uncomfortable." When Ben gets wind of this, it prompts a juicy confrontation between he and Joshua, and a very satisfying sock to the jaw. There is an equally long-awaited, if somewhat curtailed, brawl between Dex and Prince Michael on DYNASTY, while FALCON CREST provides an interesting variation by having Melissa punch her pregnant cousin in the face (definitely a Soap Land first).DYNASTY’s Lady Ashley and DALLAS’s Jenna might have been two of the blander characters of this Soap Land season, but each has a lovely scene this week in which they let go of the man they love with unexpected dignity. "There was a time that I was absolutely sure our getting married was the right thing to do, but I'm not so sure anymore … I really would understand if things weren't the same,” Jenna tells Bobby, thereby setting him free to be with Pam. Meanwhile, Ashley turns down Jeff’s proposal of marriage, because of his feelings for his ex-wife: “Can you honestly say that you don’t still care about her, that you’re not hoping she’s alive somewhere?” Interestingly (not to say unusually), each woman also makes touching reference to her age. "Do you know what it's like being my age and to have loved only one person all that time?” Jenna asks Bobby. That's always struck me as a poignant line, not least because it's one of the rare instances of a Soap Land woman acknowledging she is no longer in the prime of youth. Back on DYNASTY, Ashley refers to herself half-jokingly as “a beautiful older woman” before pointing out to Jeff the decidedly non-soapy reality that, “you love children, I can’t have any.” Ashley’s behaviour is somewhat less dignified when the bullets start flying at the royal wedding, however. “Are you crazy??” asks Jeff incredulously as he sees her snapping pictures amidst the chaos. Before she can answer, they are both shot.“Be a family," requests Bobby Ewing just before he dies. So it’s fitting that the extended DYNASTY and DALLAS clans should each be united in their respective season finale freeze-frames — the Carringtons in death, the Ewings by death.Random trend of the week #1: Unlikely detective duos harassing “minor” criminals in order to achieve a larger objective: On KNOTS, Karen and Ben invite themselves into the trailer home of Nurse Wilson (lowly, frightened) in order to persuade her to implicate Dr Ackerman in the theft of Val’s babies. On FALCON CREST, Greg Reardon and Maggie climb into the back of the car carrying Judge Holder (arrogant, outraged) in order to coerce him into dropping all charges against Lance for skipping bail and expediting his release from prison.Random trend of the week #2: Slow-motion shots from the point of view of a deranged driver. On KNOTS, we see Dr Ackerman reach into his glove compartment to pull out a gun. For a second, it looks as if he might be about to shoot Mack and Karen, but instead, he turns the weapon on himself. On DALLAS, we see the Blonde Mystery Woman heading down Pam’s driveway towards her and Bobby. For a moment, it looks as if she’s going to hit Pam, but then Bobby pushes her out of the way and takes the impact of the car himself. Like Dr Ackerman, the Blonde Mystery Woman then takes her own life, by driving into a gardener’s truck (although whether this is by accident or design is hard to say).Random trend of the week #3: The use of blonde wigs as a revelatory device. On DYNASTY, Sammy Jo places one on Rita’s head and voila — instant Krystle! Then one is pulled off the head of the Blonde Mystery Woman on DALLAS and lo — a dead Katherine Wentworth!And this week’s Top 4 is … surprising. While the season finales of DYNASTY and DALLAS both feel momentous — more like television events than regular episodes — and this week’s KNOTS is a solid four-star instalment, it’s actually FALCON CREST, by sticking closest to the Soap Land penultimate-ep-of-the-season blueprint (lots of twists, turns and people being dragged out of rooms shouting, "I'm ruined, Channing, thanks to you ... I swear you'll pay! I'll get even with you if it's the last thing I do!”) that proves the most irresistible of them all.1 (4) FALCON CREST2 (3) DYNASTY3 (1) DALLAS4 (2) KNOTS LANDING</blockquote>

Verification: 6 + 4 =