Who Does It Better: re-evaluating the Bond songs

[Willie Oleson]

The idea was to rank ALL the relevant Bond songs and themes in one big list but I'm afraid that's not doable.
My indecisiveness would skyrocket and I'd never be able to finish a list like that, therefore I'm going to do three separate rankings:

1. Unused main themes (replaced, rejected, pulled by the artist etc)
2. All songs and relevant instrumental themes from the albums that are not considered to be the main Bond theme.
3. The songs and instrumental themes that are considered to be the main theme regardless of where and why that music features in the movie (these are usually mentioned/promoted on the LP/CD artwork).

I hope other tellytalkers will join me because it's always fun to compare notes.
I'm thinking about doing Elvis In The Movie Songs next.

A special mention for the album artwork, these are the ones I'd hang on the wall:

I just like it, even if it wasn't from a James Bond movie.


The most atmospheric and movie-esque LP from the classic Bond era.


I love the "Thank God It's Friday" vibe I'm getting from this one.

I have approached the favourite Unused Themes as if these songs would actually replace the official ones. After all, it is about the could-have-been.
And let me tell you, it is the most bizarre and psychedelic ranking I've ever done because I had to rank them for two completely different reasons simultaneously.
I've considered the idea that many of these songs would work so much better with a John Barry make-over but that fantasy would make the comparison unfair.
I mean, if I can imaginary enhance the unused songs then I could also imaginary enhance the official Bond songs. Therefore: as is.

The songs that I'd choose over the original ones, in order of urgency
1. For Your Eyes Only - Blondie
This doesn't sound much like a movie theme but at least it wouldn't be that other For Your Eyes Only.
2. This Must Be The Place I Waited Years To Leave - Pet Shop Boys
Although...."yeuuurs", was that really necessary, Mr. Tennant?
3. Surrender - K.D. Lang
Yes, much more Bond than Blondie's song, but considering what it would replace the urgency lessens here.
4. Tomorrow Never Dies - Pulp

The songs that wouldn't make it better or worse, in order of preference (that it would happen)
5. Goldfinger - Anthony Newley
6. Never Say Never Again - Phyllis Hyman
7. Tomorrow Never Dies - Saint Etienne
8. Spectre - Radiohead

Not as good as the original, from least to most damaging (in case it would have happened)
9. The World Is Not Enough - Straw
10. The Man With The Golden Gun - Alice Cooper
11. Mr. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang - Dionne Warwick
Despite my critique of the Thunderball song I think the different subjects in the movie title and song title would clash too much. And maybe it also sounds too "Goldfinger Part II".
12. Thunderball - Johnny Cash
The Western style doesn't make sense at all for 007, but as a replacement less damaging than the last three in my list.
13. You Only Live Twice - Lorraine Chandler
14. You Only Live Twice - Julie Rogers
15. GoldenEye - Ace Of Base


However, if I would rank them from a pop-friendly point of view (mixed with personal preference):

1. Thunderball - Johnny Cash
2. Goldfinger - Anthony Newley
3. Mr Kiss Kiss Bang Bang - Dionne Warwick
4. For Your Eyes Only - Blondie
5. This Must Be The Place I Waited Years To Leave - Pet Shop Boys
6. Tomorrow Never Dies - Pulp
7. Tomorrow Never Dies - Saint Etienne
8. Never Say Never Again - Phyllis Hyman
9. The World Is Not Enough - Straw
10. Surrender - K.D. Lang
11. You Only Live Twice - Lorraine Chandler
12. You Only Live Twice - Julie Rogers
13. The Man With The Golden Gun - Alice Cooper
14. The Juvenile - Ace Of Base
15. Spectre - Radiohead


And ranked as seriously Bond-worthy:

1. Mr Kiss Kiss Bang Bang - Dionne Warwick
2. Goldfinger - Anthony Newley
3. Surrender - K.D. Lang
4. The World Is Not Enough - Straw
5. You Only Live Twice - Julie Rogers
6. Tomorrow Never Dies - Pulp
7. Never Say Never Again - Phyllis Hyman
8. The Man With The Golden Gun - Alice Cooper
9. This Must Be The Place I Waited Years To Leave - Pet Shop Boys
10. You Only Live Twice - Lorraine Chandler
11. Tomorrow Never Dies - Saint Etienne
12. Thunderball - Johnny Cash
13. For Your Eyes Only - Blondie
14. Spectre - Radiohead
15. GoldenEye - Ace Of Base


But I'll stick with my first list.
Incidentally, there are more songs on youtube described as "rejected songs" but when I searched the internet for confirmation all I got was links to those very videos, and sometimes a link to an obscure fan page (and they probably adapted the youtube-fanon as canon).
Surely some scepticism is in order here.

 

[Willie Oleson]

Assignment #2, the not-main-theme soundtracks. 4 or 5 songs didn't make the list because I don't like them so there's no point in ranking them.

1. From Russia With Love (theme)
You can dance to it in Petula's club downtown.

2. On Her Majesty's Secret Kilt Service (theme)

3. Do You Know How Christmas Trees Are Grown (On Her Majesty's Secret Service)
It feels strange to pick a christmas tune from a Bond collection but it's just so lovely. I didn't know she was the Nina from Nina & Frederik.

4. Only Myself To Blame (The World Is Not Enough)

5. 007 (From Russia With Love)
I think this was the "second" James Bond theme, it was re-used on the Thunderball soundtrack.

But it also could be used as an intro for a Western tv series like The High Chaparral or something like that.

6. Moonraker (Disco)
Strange that it was never re-edited by someone like Tom Moulton.

7. Where Has Everybody Gone (The Living Daylights)
After a re-re-evaluation I've decided that I like it better than I thought. In fact, I'm totally digging it like, totally.

8. Bond '77 (The Spy Who Love Me)

9. Surrender (Tomorrow Never Dies)

10. Une Chanson D'Amour (Never Say Never Again)

11. Have No Fear Bond Is Here (Casino Royale)

12. Under The Mango Tree (Dr. No)

13. Fillet Of Soul / Live And Let Die
Had it been the full version then it would be my #4 or 5-ish.

14. Mr. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (Instrumental) (Thunderball)

 

[Willie Oleson]

Part III: The Bond Song Countdown - Revisited & Re-evaluated.

27. Die Another Day
I can accept this as a Madonna song derived from/reacting to the movie, but as a song written for the movie there isn't much I can do with it. I'm sure it's made her richer than she already was.

26. For Your Eyes Only
A beastly saccharine ballad that belongs in a beastly saccharine 80s romcom.

25. Writing's On The Wall
Sam Smith can sing whatever he likes and however he likes it, but to be subjected to this style in the presence of a cinema audience would make me feel very uncomfortable.

24. Another Way To Die
Even from my most optimistic point of view this would never be one of the greatest Bond songs but I don't think it was supposed to be one of the worst. It's that checklist of do's and do's and then some more and then it kinda spirals out of control but not in a great exciting way. Even Alicia Keys sounds awful here.

23. Tomorrow Never Dies
The 1990s indie insipidness makes it sound terribly dated and it's simply too forgettable as a movie song, especially a Bond song.

22. The Living Daylights
The only thing I've learned from a-ha's song is that living daylights are o-oh. And all because of one missing word. "Save the darkness, let it never fade away (into) the living daylights". John Barry saves whatever there is to save, but it's not much.

21. Never Say Never Again
There's not a lot to love here but it's pretty harmless and therefore it serves as a line between the bad and the good Bond songs.

20. No Time To Die
There's some over-statement going on that prevents me from fully embracing the latest Bond song, however, I think it achieves what it sets out to be or do and it has the most mind-blowing climax of all Bond songs.

19. Licence To Kill
The perfect song for every audience, a Disney Bond as it were.

18. Diamonds Are Forever
Of course I like it but let's be honest here, it's simply too gay for a Bond movie.

17. A View To A Kill
The video definitely helps to keep the song and movie firmly connected but I think it sounds too pop-to-movie crossover (rather than vice versa) to rank it as one of the absolute best Bond songs.

16. Thunderball
He always belts out while others sing. It's a ballsy guilty pleasure for the drunken karaoke dads.

15. The World Is Not Enough
As I said before Shirley Manson has the range to pull it off but since the lyrics are meant to be sung in a very stretched out way it sometimes misses the intensity and (for better or worse) credibility that a more natural crooner or chanteuse could have provided. On the other hand I love for its unique combination and maybe that's exactly the reason why it never sounds dated.

14. GoldenEye

13. Skyfall
Adele pumps up the goose bumps with her renaissance Bond banger.

12. You Know My Name
I think there's a great sense of subtelty and irony in this song because it sounds more like a traditional pop rock song and at the same time I could never believe that it wasn't written for a movie even if it wasn't. Was. No, wasn't. Well you know what I mean.

11. The Man With The Golden Gun
The pop novelty amongst Bond songs, as if she's singing about singing a John Barry tune. It would have been perfect for a she-Bond spin off starring Kate O'Mara as the first female 007.

10. James Bond Theme
At the time of Dr. No it wasn't relevant that it would become the overarching theme in a movie franchise that wasn't a movie franchise yet, although I'm not sure how famous it would have been if had been just the Dr. No thing. Nevertheless it's an intriguing and catchy composition and it just seemed perfect to use it as a top 10 closer.

9. The Look Of Love
Perhaps it should be higher up in the list but then again it's usually not ranked at all. #9 is not so bad for a fake Bond movie song, is it.

8. Live And Let Die
No matter how many times I hear it, Live And Let Die keeps surprising me, like a cacophony-done-well.

7. Goldfinger
Yes yes yes it's epic and iconic but it's so strongly anchored in the movie itself that it inevitably surrounds itself with an air of gimmickry. Not in bad way, it's really one of a kind but it will never stop being "that song" and that makes the movie score/pop crossover a bit more challenging.

6. We Have All The Time In The World
It's so very gorgeous and it proves that Bond songs need to exist. It's not optional or anything.

5. Moonraker
The only complaint I have is that is was never covered by Carpenters or Helen Reddy. Moonraker is like...like..like the foreplay of movie scores, and it's not just about the ears anymore. It takes me out of my body, it makes me float and I don't want it to end.

4. From Russia With Love
Granted, the song doesn't do much more than informing the audience "you have been watching..." and yet there's something so perfectly melodramatic in the little that's going on that I can't help but feeling amazed and emotionally overwhelmed.

3. Nobody Does It Better
This is my #1 pop song in the list and the reason why it's not THE #1 is because it sounds a little bit too safe as a movie theme.

2. All Time High
It's a miracle that this song isn't completely "pastelled" by the commercial eighties sax sound although from a different point of view there could be enough in it to hate it.
What I love the most about All Time High, apart from being a very pretty song, is the brutal lack of optimism even though the song itself hints at better times. It's exactly that kind of indifferent understatement that makes it sound intriguing and it really makes me wonder what this woman is going through. "Hold on tight, let the flight begin" is without conclusion. We don't know if she (or Bond) is going to succeed, we think so, but Rita makes no attempt whatsoever to manipulate us. Admittedly, I would have loved to rank it #8 but unfortunately it's too good.

1. You Only Live Twice
Because I think it has all of the qualities of the previous songs, maybe not in equal measurements but I feel I can justify why it's a better "Moonraker" or a better "Russia" or a better etcetera. I'm not going to do that because I'm tired and completely 00sevened out.

 

[Mel O'Drama]

Diamonds Are Forever
Of course I like it but let's be honest here, it's simply too gay for a Bond movie.

Having invested of expanded versions of a few Bond soundtracks, I was blown away this morning to play an Alternative Version of Diamonds Are Forever and hear Shirley Bassey purring out extra third verse lyrics that I never even knew existed:

Diamonds Are Forever
I can taste the satisfaction
Flawless physical attraction
Bitter, cold, icy, fresh
Till they rest on the flesh
They crave for

Does this move it even further up the gay scale, I wonder?

 

[Willie Oleson]

Does this move it even further up the gay scale, I wonder?

It sounds full-on-Eartha Kitt, I think. So my answer is "yes".