Most hilarious lines on Dallas.

[kenneth]

That was meant to be serious.

I will forever shake my head in amusement when Miss Ellie says,

"Why do men have to be so stubborn?"

Coming from her of all people that is funny as hell.

 

[Kenny Coyote]

I will forever shake my head in amusement when Miss Ellie says,

"I can't lose another son." Anytime one of her adult sons moves out she treats it like a funeral!

 

[Lastkidpicked]

My favorite of all time is on the lead-up to the "who shot J.R." storyline.

Vaughn Leland is even slimier than usual. J.R. knows that if Vaughn gets in on the Asian oil field deal, then Vaughn will lose his money.

Vaughn: I've decided to invest a large amount of my personal money in this deal, J.R.
J.R: Vaughn, I can't think of anybody else I'd rather have come in on this deal.

BHAHAHAHA! That magnificent bastard!

 

[Swami]

Fenton Washburn: "What do you take in your coffee?"
JR Ewing: "Bourbon"

Swami

 

[Victoriafan3]

“Oh hunny. It was all a bad dream. None of that ever happened”

 

[Billy Wall]

Lucy to Ray when JR was messing with his country singer girlfriend: “JR’s gonna kill you.”

As we later found out, JR couldn’t fight his way out of a cotton factory. Lol

 

[Taylor Bennett Jr.]

Lucy to Ray when JR was messing with his country singer girlfriend: “JR’s gonna kill you.”

As we later found out, JR couldn’t fight his way out of a cotton factory. Lol

of course, for all his lack of physicality, JR did in fact prevail over grizzled manly cowboy Ray via a bop of the head with a phone as Southfork started to burn!

 

[Kenny Coyote]

This never happened, but the look on JR's face would have been priceless:

(After Clayton and Miss Ellie marry)

Clayton says to JR: "Now that your mama and I have married, I'd appreciate it if you would call me "father."

 

[Swami]

JR about Ray: "Well Ray was never comfortable eating with the family. After all we do use knives and forks!"

Swami

 

[stevew]

Most everything was pretty funny out of JR’s mouth, even when you had to cringe:

 

[Swami]

"Anyone else here got a termite for a brother?"

Swami

 

[Rove]

At the 5th Oil Barons Ball.....

Sue Ellen: Look JR. Isn't that the Valentine girl? She doesn't look nearly as trashy in person as she does in those pictures. Jack will you dance with me....

Jack: Excuse me Jamie.

JR: (As he looks at Jamie)...arrrm.

Jamie: No thanks

JR: What till your asked

​

 

[stevew]

"Anyone else here got a termite for a brother?"

Swami

My vote for number 1

 

[Taylor Bennett Jr.]

I’m going to go with the maniacal van driver/robber/kidnapper Willie Gust, when surrounded by cops: “You freeze, turkeys!”

 

[Swami]

Sue Ellen to JR, not long after discovering she is pregnant: "After all, I've been just as faithful to our wedding vows as you have, darling!"

Swami

 

[stevew]

I love this thread because it reminds me that Dallas was really very funny, maybe much more so then all the other dramas before and after. Certainly more funny than anything we see in drama today, taking ourselves way to serious.

 

[Sarah]

I love:

Sue Ellen - I'd rather sleep with a carnival geek than sleep with JR (she's lying of course)

JR - Why don't you have that new plastic husband surgeon of yours design you a new face? One without a mouth.

Cliff - What are we talking about here? Two dead fish and a pelican.

 

[Jon Ewing Jr.]

What about the time JR comes in looking for the first aid kit talking about Cliff biting him. Also saying he is going to need a shot.

 

[Jimmy Todd]

JR sees Katherine outside his office because she's waiting for him.

JR: Well, Katherine. When did you start hanging out on street corners?

Another time he's having dinner with Katherine.
Katherine: I know why I want to see Pam and Bobby break up, but what's your reason?
JR: I have a special feeling toward your sister. I hate her.

Larry Hagman knew how to do deliver a line, that's for sure.

 

[Swami]

(To Ray) "It pays to have Ewing blood in your veins, no matter how it got there!"

Swami