CryptCreeper72
Telly Talk Star
I don't own any of the characters in this story and no copyright infringement is intended.
It's no secret that I never really cared for TNT's "Dallas" continuation. All of my writing has always disregarded that show and its timeline all together.
One thing I did find interesting about that show was the characters of John Ross and Pamela and how their relationship was strikingly similar to the relationship between JR and Sue Ellen. I wondered if the show would ever properly address the cycle of toxic lovers in that family.
Of course, the show went off the air before that ever happened, so I decided to explore it myself, here in this fic.
Although this fic is primarily about "Jock" who I have written as Sue Ellen and JR's grandson, I am placing it under JR and Sue Ellen fanfiction because it is their relationship that drives the story.
I once promised my readers I would never kill Sue Ellen off in a fic.
Turns out - I lied.
I realize some of you won't like this story. It's sad and several major characters are killed off. There's not really a happy ending, and the toxic nature of JR and Sue Ellen's love causes extreme sadness in their family.
Still, hope some of you enjoy reading it.
***
Sins of the Fathers and Mothers
***
John Ross Ewing IV poured himself a glass of bourbon and sat down in his favorite chair.
He rarely drank alcohol. His mother was an alcoholic and it had killed her. His beloved grandmother was also an alcoholic. She had struggled with her sobriety her entire life, but Jock could honestly say he had never seen her take a drink.
"Jock."
He murmured his nickname to himself. It was the same as his great-grandfather's. His great-uncle Bobby had given him the name when he was a toddler and it had stuck.
He reached over and picked the diary up off the end table. He was almost finished with it. Thank God. Reading deepest thoughts and secrets of the woman he had loved above all others, the woman who had raised him and loved him...it had all almost been too much.
He wished he hadn't needed so badly to know everything.
But he had.
And now he had to see it through to the end.
***
"It was a lovely service."
"Yes," Karen Stone-Ewing looked up and shrugged. "Fit for the Queen of Southfork."
"How is my cousin holding up?"
Karen looked up at her cousin-in-law and shrugged again. "As well as can be expected. You know how much he loved her."
"We all loved her."
"I know. But she was the closest thing to a mother Jock ever had."
Robert James Ewing, nicknamed RJ, nodded his understanding. Jock's parents had been emotionally distant and undependable when they had been alive, then they had died when Jock was very young. Jock's grandmother had raised him at Southfork alongside RJ and his siblings. RJ and Jock were more than cousins. In every way that mattered, they were brothers. "Is he still obsessed with that damned diary?"
"Yes," Karen said sadly. "But at least he destroyed that awful movie."
"Wish he had done that before he watched it."
"Me too,' Karen sighed. "God, me too."
***
Jock took a deep breath and looked away from the page. He needed a break. His grandmother's words were hard to handle.
Jock had found dozens of diaries among his grandmother's belongings in the attic. He'd also found a film that was obviously based on those diaries.
Watching the film had been difficult. He had heard so many stories as a child of what an awful man JR Ewing had been. But seeing for himself the way his grandfather had mistreated and abused his grandmother...and his father... had been deeply disturbing.
Still, at least with the movie, it had been actors on the screen and not members of his actual family. That had allowed him to somewhat emotionally distance himself from what he saw on the screen.
But the diaries...the diaries were different. Every word he read, he heard spoken in his head in his Grandmother's voice. There was no distancing himself from that.
JR Ewing had been a scheming and brutal man. He was an awful husband and not a very good father. Pages and pages described his grandmother's pain and suffering, her tortuous need to love a man who treated her so badly and dismissed their son so easily.
But she loved JR Ewing. And in the diary were vivid descriptions of the occasional happiness they shared together. Jock had no doubt that his grandparents loved one another deeply. But for whatever the reason, they just couldn't seem to stop hurting each other.
Jock stood up and walked to his desk. He picked up a picture of his grandmother and his wife that had been taken just last Christmas.
Jock had met Karen Stone right after he graduated from college. He had been working in the Senate office of his cousin Margaret Krebbs and Karen had been her assistant. Jock had fallen in love with her at first sight, but he had been terrified about how his Grandmother would react to him dating the granddaughter of Marilee Stone. As it turned out, he had been worried for nothing. His grandmother had accepted Karen immediately, showering her with both affection and acceptance.
But that's the way she was. At least by that point in her life. She had lost so many people she loved. She was determined to always have a loving and supportive relationship with her grandson. And now that she was gone, Jock knew he would miss her terribly.
No one, not even Karen would ever be able to fill the hole her death had created in his life.
Sue Ellen Ewing had been his rock. She was the one person he had always been able to count on.
And he didn't know how he was supposed to go on without her.
***
"You holding up okay, Dad?"
Bobby turned his head and smiled weakly at his son. "I suppose so," he beckoned Christopher into the room. "I already miss her."
Christopher smiled sadly and walked fully into the room.
He knew his daddy was very ill. Losing Ann had almost broken him. It was Sue Ellen who had saved him.
Christopher had always hoped that his father and his aunt Sue Ellen would end up together. They had both suffered so much pain. But at the end of the day, although they loved each other deeply, and they raised their grandchildren side by side, they never even attempted a romantic relationship.
"She's JR's wife," Bobby told him once when he had asked why they hadn't gotten together. "I'm Pam's husband. Let's just leave it at that."
"Is Jock still reading her diaries?' Bobby asked, snapping Christopher back to the present.
"I guess so. RJ went to see him."
"It won't help," Bobby said softly. "She…"
"What?"
"Sue Ellen wanted Jock to know. She NEEDED him to know. She could never tell him, but that's why she left that movie and those diaries. She could have destroyed them years ago. She wanted Jock to find them among her things when she passed."
"And what if he can't handle it?" Christopher challenged his father. "What then?"
"Jock can handle it," Bobby said, his voice full of conviction."Jock is JR's blood. He can handle anything."
*""
Jock looked up from the diary when he heard the soft knock on the door of his study. "Come in."
"Jock. Everyone is asking about you. Thought it might be a good idea to come check on you."
"I'm fine, Uncle Lucas. Only one volume left to go."
Lucas glanced over at Jock's desk where dozens of diaries were stacked neatly. "You read all those?"
"Yes."
Lucas sighed heavily and sank down onto a chair. "Look, I hardly knew my Uncle JR at all. And I didn't get to know Aunt Sue Ellen until a long time after JR passed. But I've heard stories."
"You haven't heard them all," Jock said flatly. He almost spoke of the story about Sue Ellen and Lucas's father Ray, but thought better of it and decided to stay quiet.
"I'm sure I don't. And I don't want to. And to be honest I'm worried as hell about you spending every day since Aunt Sue Ellen died holed up in here obsessing about every bad thing that happened to her."
"There's a lot of good stories in those diaries too," Jock told him. "Sometimes….sometimes Grandma and Grandpa were very happy together. Besides…"
"What?"
"It helps me understand where I came from. I finally realize my parents couldn't help who they were. They were born and raised in toxin."
"My daddy always said John Ross and Pamela were carbon copies of JR and Sue Ellen."
"That's true. In many, many ways. I'm fine, Uncle Lucas. But I need to finish. This is the way I need to mourn my grandmother."
Lucas was silent for a few moments before finally nodding his head and standing up. "Alright, Jock. You just remember you have a wife and a family who loves you and we're here for you."
"I know that. I promise I'll be out soon."
***
"She was such a clothes horse!"
Margaret looked up at Elena and smiled. "Yes. Fashion queen right up until the end."
"She was a great lady. Southfork won't be the same without her."
"Neither will Jock," Margaret mused sadly.
Jock had grown up at Southfork beside Elena and Christopher's children, but there were parts of him that he kept private - even from those he loved most.
Margaret figured she knew him better than just about everyone but Karen and Sue Ellen. Jock had come to work for her straight out of college and she had spent years mentoring him in politics before she retired and he ran for and won her senate seat.
"You're worried about him, aren't you?"
"Yes. But he's a Ewing. He'll survive."
"His father was a Ewing too."
Margaret made a face at the mention of John Ross Ewing II. His death and the drama that surrounded it almost destroyed her aunt Sue Ellen. If it hadn't been for Jock and Sue Ellen's need to care for him, Margaret was sure Sue Ellen would have started drinking again.
"We should finish packing this stuff up," Margaret sighed. "Karen wants to deliver it all to the women's shelter by this afternoon."
***
I saw JR tonight. He came to see me and I invited him in for tea. We fell so easily back together, as if the years of separation never existed.
I never stopped loving him. And I know he loves me.
For all the other women, I know in my heart I am the only woman that JR Ewing truly ever loved.
Jock closed his eyes and imagined his grandmother's voice speaking those words. He took a deep breath and turned the page.
I know I shouldn't drink. I know it will kill me. Even worse, I know it makes John Ross disgusted with me.
But how can I stop?
He's gone. The love of my life is gone. My heart is shattered in a million pieces and drinking is the only thing that dulls the pain.
I always thought I would have more time. I always thought we would end up together, growing old and happy.
But now he's gone.
My beloved JR is lost to me forever.
And I just want to die.
Jock couldn't take it anymore. He closed the diary and buried his face in his hands. He had always known his grandfather's death had affected his grandmother deeply, but to see her despair in front of him in black and white cut him deep in his soul.
***
"Dad? What are you doing out here "
Christopher smiled at the sound of his son's voice.
"Visiting with old friends."
RJ glanced down at the tombstone. "Not sure John Ross was ever your friend."
"Maybe not," Christopher shrugged. "But he was my brother. Same as with you and Jock."
"Jock isn't a snake in the grass."
"Jock was raised by his grandmother in a happy home with a stable family. Who knows how he would have turned out if John Ross and Pamela had lived?"
"God, those were awful times."
"Yes. Reminded me of some of the things that happened between Aunt Sue Ellen and Uncle JR back when me and John Ross were kids."
The men were silent for a while, both lost in thoughts about the tragic death of Pamela Barnes Ewing and the sudden suicide of John Ross Ewing.
"Why do you think she never left him?"
"She did. Several times. He always won her back."
"How?"
"Same way his daddy always won back his mama. False promises of fidelity."
"He never kept those promises though."
"No. And neither did JR. I guess the difference between Pamela and Sue Ellen was that Sue Ellen was strong enough to get out for good."
John Ross and Pamela's marriage had closely mirrored the marriage of JR and Sue Ellen. The couple loved one another desperately, but they couldn't get along. John Ross cheated constantly. Pamela turned to alcohol to cope. They made living at Southfork like living in a war zone. Neither of them ever considered the needs of their son Jock or how their behavior affected him.
Then one night, after a particularly ugly fight, Pamela had run out of the house falling down drunk and left. Later that evening, the family got the call that she had been killed in a drunk driving accident. John Ross had gone straight upstairs, taken his pistol, and blew his brains out all over the wall.
Christopher shook his head, trying to clear the bad memories from his mind. "Your brother and sisters leave already?"
"Yeah," RJ informed him. "Left right after the funeral. They all have kids and jobs and lives to get back to. Even I have to get back to the office tomorrow."
"No rest for the President of Ewing Energies, right?"
"Right," RJ laughed. "Dad...do you think Jock is going to be okay?"
"Jock had enough of his grandmother in him that he has the strength to face anything. He's going to be just fine."
***
John Ross only did it to hurt me. He is still angry that I sided with Bobby against him.
Her name is Sasha. Another bastard child from one of JR's whores… a woman named Serena.
John Ross thought I would fall apart and start drinking again. But he's wrong.
JR may have children scattered all over the planet, but I am the only woman he truly cared for and it was my son he always treated as his true heir.
Jock flipped the page and took a deep breath when he saw the next entry.
We laid John Ross and Pamela to rest today. Side by side, as it should be. They loved each other so much. John Ross couldn't stand the thought of living without her knowing he was the cause of her death.
Such tragedy. And little Jock is so confused. I know I shouldn't feel this way, but maybe it's better his parents are gone. They won't have the chance to damage him the way JR and I damaged John Ross.
I'll take care of him. From this point on, I will devote my life to making sure that little boy is happy and healthy and loved. I swear on the grave of my beloved JR that the cycle of poison ends with our grandson.
"And you were true to your promise," Jock whispered to his grandmother.
He read through the rest of the diary. As Sue Ellen got older, she wrote less and less frequently. There were entries about how proud she was of Jock, about his wedding to Karen, about his election to the US Senate.
But mostly, when Sue Ellen wrote, she wrote about JR. As the years passed by, she seemed to forget all the bad times and focus on what had been good between them.
He got to the final page and sucked in another deep breath. He steeled his nerves and continued reading.
I don't have much time left. I feel it deep in my bones. Every day is a struggle and I'm so weak.
All the others have already gone. Ray and Val passed two years ago. Jenna and Donna both left us last year. Gary went a few months ago.
The only ones left are me and Bobby. Bobby isn't doing well either, and I pray to God I go before him. I don't think I have the strength to mourn that man's death.
Jock and Karen will be having children soon I suppose. I'm sorry I won't get to meet them. But I know they will be loved and happy.
I am so proud of Jock. He is the one good thing that came out of me and JR.
And JR...I will be with him again soon. How I have missed him all these many years. I can't wait to see his beautiful eyes, to have him smile that devilish grin at me again.
I just want to rest now. If I don't wake up in the morning, I will be happy. I'll finally be back in JR's arms where I have always belonged.
Tears welled up in Jock's eyes as he closed the diary.
In the end, his grandmother had found peace. And he was so thankful for that.
He stood up, walked to the window, and a faint smile spread across his face. Reading those diaries had been hard, but he was glad he had done it. He understood his life, his family, and who he was so much better now.
And he finally understood who his grandfather really was, how he had dominated his father and his grandmother's life.
"You're right, grandmother," he chucked. "Karen and I are having a child very soon.
He and Karen had known for weeks that she was pregnant. They hadn't told the family because RJ's wife had recently suffered a miscarriage and they wanted to give her time to heal before they made the announcement.
But the baby was healthy. And just last week, the doctor had told him it would be a boy.
"John Ross Ewing V," Jock mused. "And we are going to call him JR."
***
THE END
It's no secret that I never really cared for TNT's "Dallas" continuation. All of my writing has always disregarded that show and its timeline all together.
One thing I did find interesting about that show was the characters of John Ross and Pamela and how their relationship was strikingly similar to the relationship between JR and Sue Ellen. I wondered if the show would ever properly address the cycle of toxic lovers in that family.
Of course, the show went off the air before that ever happened, so I decided to explore it myself, here in this fic.
Although this fic is primarily about "Jock" who I have written as Sue Ellen and JR's grandson, I am placing it under JR and Sue Ellen fanfiction because it is their relationship that drives the story.
I once promised my readers I would never kill Sue Ellen off in a fic.
Turns out - I lied.
I realize some of you won't like this story. It's sad and several major characters are killed off. There's not really a happy ending, and the toxic nature of JR and Sue Ellen's love causes extreme sadness in their family.
Still, hope some of you enjoy reading it.
***
Sins of the Fathers and Mothers
***
John Ross Ewing IV poured himself a glass of bourbon and sat down in his favorite chair.
He rarely drank alcohol. His mother was an alcoholic and it had killed her. His beloved grandmother was also an alcoholic. She had struggled with her sobriety her entire life, but Jock could honestly say he had never seen her take a drink.
"Jock."
He murmured his nickname to himself. It was the same as his great-grandfather's. His great-uncle Bobby had given him the name when he was a toddler and it had stuck.
He reached over and picked the diary up off the end table. He was almost finished with it. Thank God. Reading deepest thoughts and secrets of the woman he had loved above all others, the woman who had raised him and loved him...it had all almost been too much.
He wished he hadn't needed so badly to know everything.
But he had.
And now he had to see it through to the end.
***
"It was a lovely service."
"Yes," Karen Stone-Ewing looked up and shrugged. "Fit for the Queen of Southfork."
"How is my cousin holding up?"
Karen looked up at her cousin-in-law and shrugged again. "As well as can be expected. You know how much he loved her."
"We all loved her."
"I know. But she was the closest thing to a mother Jock ever had."
Robert James Ewing, nicknamed RJ, nodded his understanding. Jock's parents had been emotionally distant and undependable when they had been alive, then they had died when Jock was very young. Jock's grandmother had raised him at Southfork alongside RJ and his siblings. RJ and Jock were more than cousins. In every way that mattered, they were brothers. "Is he still obsessed with that damned diary?"
"Yes," Karen said sadly. "But at least he destroyed that awful movie."
"Wish he had done that before he watched it."
"Me too,' Karen sighed. "God, me too."
***
Jock took a deep breath and looked away from the page. He needed a break. His grandmother's words were hard to handle.
Jock had found dozens of diaries among his grandmother's belongings in the attic. He'd also found a film that was obviously based on those diaries.
Watching the film had been difficult. He had heard so many stories as a child of what an awful man JR Ewing had been. But seeing for himself the way his grandfather had mistreated and abused his grandmother...and his father... had been deeply disturbing.
Still, at least with the movie, it had been actors on the screen and not members of his actual family. That had allowed him to somewhat emotionally distance himself from what he saw on the screen.
But the diaries...the diaries were different. Every word he read, he heard spoken in his head in his Grandmother's voice. There was no distancing himself from that.
JR Ewing had been a scheming and brutal man. He was an awful husband and not a very good father. Pages and pages described his grandmother's pain and suffering, her tortuous need to love a man who treated her so badly and dismissed their son so easily.
But she loved JR Ewing. And in the diary were vivid descriptions of the occasional happiness they shared together. Jock had no doubt that his grandparents loved one another deeply. But for whatever the reason, they just couldn't seem to stop hurting each other.
Jock stood up and walked to his desk. He picked up a picture of his grandmother and his wife that had been taken just last Christmas.
Jock had met Karen Stone right after he graduated from college. He had been working in the Senate office of his cousin Margaret Krebbs and Karen had been her assistant. Jock had fallen in love with her at first sight, but he had been terrified about how his Grandmother would react to him dating the granddaughter of Marilee Stone. As it turned out, he had been worried for nothing. His grandmother had accepted Karen immediately, showering her with both affection and acceptance.
But that's the way she was. At least by that point in her life. She had lost so many people she loved. She was determined to always have a loving and supportive relationship with her grandson. And now that she was gone, Jock knew he would miss her terribly.
No one, not even Karen would ever be able to fill the hole her death had created in his life.
Sue Ellen Ewing had been his rock. She was the one person he had always been able to count on.
And he didn't know how he was supposed to go on without her.
***
"You holding up okay, Dad?"
Bobby turned his head and smiled weakly at his son. "I suppose so," he beckoned Christopher into the room. "I already miss her."
Christopher smiled sadly and walked fully into the room.
He knew his daddy was very ill. Losing Ann had almost broken him. It was Sue Ellen who had saved him.
Christopher had always hoped that his father and his aunt Sue Ellen would end up together. They had both suffered so much pain. But at the end of the day, although they loved each other deeply, and they raised their grandchildren side by side, they never even attempted a romantic relationship.
"She's JR's wife," Bobby told him once when he had asked why they hadn't gotten together. "I'm Pam's husband. Let's just leave it at that."
"Is Jock still reading her diaries?' Bobby asked, snapping Christopher back to the present.
"I guess so. RJ went to see him."
"It won't help," Bobby said softly. "She…"
"What?"
"Sue Ellen wanted Jock to know. She NEEDED him to know. She could never tell him, but that's why she left that movie and those diaries. She could have destroyed them years ago. She wanted Jock to find them among her things when she passed."
"And what if he can't handle it?" Christopher challenged his father. "What then?"
"Jock can handle it," Bobby said, his voice full of conviction."Jock is JR's blood. He can handle anything."
*""
Jock looked up from the diary when he heard the soft knock on the door of his study. "Come in."
"Jock. Everyone is asking about you. Thought it might be a good idea to come check on you."
"I'm fine, Uncle Lucas. Only one volume left to go."
Lucas glanced over at Jock's desk where dozens of diaries were stacked neatly. "You read all those?"
"Yes."
Lucas sighed heavily and sank down onto a chair. "Look, I hardly knew my Uncle JR at all. And I didn't get to know Aunt Sue Ellen until a long time after JR passed. But I've heard stories."
"You haven't heard them all," Jock said flatly. He almost spoke of the story about Sue Ellen and Lucas's father Ray, but thought better of it and decided to stay quiet.
"I'm sure I don't. And I don't want to. And to be honest I'm worried as hell about you spending every day since Aunt Sue Ellen died holed up in here obsessing about every bad thing that happened to her."
"There's a lot of good stories in those diaries too," Jock told him. "Sometimes….sometimes Grandma and Grandpa were very happy together. Besides…"
"What?"
"It helps me understand where I came from. I finally realize my parents couldn't help who they were. They were born and raised in toxin."
"My daddy always said John Ross and Pamela were carbon copies of JR and Sue Ellen."
"That's true. In many, many ways. I'm fine, Uncle Lucas. But I need to finish. This is the way I need to mourn my grandmother."
Lucas was silent for a few moments before finally nodding his head and standing up. "Alright, Jock. You just remember you have a wife and a family who loves you and we're here for you."
"I know that. I promise I'll be out soon."
***
"She was such a clothes horse!"
Margaret looked up at Elena and smiled. "Yes. Fashion queen right up until the end."
"She was a great lady. Southfork won't be the same without her."
"Neither will Jock," Margaret mused sadly.
Jock had grown up at Southfork beside Elena and Christopher's children, but there were parts of him that he kept private - even from those he loved most.
Margaret figured she knew him better than just about everyone but Karen and Sue Ellen. Jock had come to work for her straight out of college and she had spent years mentoring him in politics before she retired and he ran for and won her senate seat.
"You're worried about him, aren't you?"
"Yes. But he's a Ewing. He'll survive."
"His father was a Ewing too."
Margaret made a face at the mention of John Ross Ewing II. His death and the drama that surrounded it almost destroyed her aunt Sue Ellen. If it hadn't been for Jock and Sue Ellen's need to care for him, Margaret was sure Sue Ellen would have started drinking again.
"We should finish packing this stuff up," Margaret sighed. "Karen wants to deliver it all to the women's shelter by this afternoon."
***
I saw JR tonight. He came to see me and I invited him in for tea. We fell so easily back together, as if the years of separation never existed.
I never stopped loving him. And I know he loves me.
For all the other women, I know in my heart I am the only woman that JR Ewing truly ever loved.
Jock closed his eyes and imagined his grandmother's voice speaking those words. He took a deep breath and turned the page.
I know I shouldn't drink. I know it will kill me. Even worse, I know it makes John Ross disgusted with me.
But how can I stop?
He's gone. The love of my life is gone. My heart is shattered in a million pieces and drinking is the only thing that dulls the pain.
I always thought I would have more time. I always thought we would end up together, growing old and happy.
But now he's gone.
My beloved JR is lost to me forever.
And I just want to die.
Jock couldn't take it anymore. He closed the diary and buried his face in his hands. He had always known his grandfather's death had affected his grandmother deeply, but to see her despair in front of him in black and white cut him deep in his soul.
***
"Dad? What are you doing out here "
Christopher smiled at the sound of his son's voice.
"Visiting with old friends."
RJ glanced down at the tombstone. "Not sure John Ross was ever your friend."
"Maybe not," Christopher shrugged. "But he was my brother. Same as with you and Jock."
"Jock isn't a snake in the grass."
"Jock was raised by his grandmother in a happy home with a stable family. Who knows how he would have turned out if John Ross and Pamela had lived?"
"God, those were awful times."
"Yes. Reminded me of some of the things that happened between Aunt Sue Ellen and Uncle JR back when me and John Ross were kids."
The men were silent for a while, both lost in thoughts about the tragic death of Pamela Barnes Ewing and the sudden suicide of John Ross Ewing.
"Why do you think she never left him?"
"She did. Several times. He always won her back."
"How?"
"Same way his daddy always won back his mama. False promises of fidelity."
"He never kept those promises though."
"No. And neither did JR. I guess the difference between Pamela and Sue Ellen was that Sue Ellen was strong enough to get out for good."
John Ross and Pamela's marriage had closely mirrored the marriage of JR and Sue Ellen. The couple loved one another desperately, but they couldn't get along. John Ross cheated constantly. Pamela turned to alcohol to cope. They made living at Southfork like living in a war zone. Neither of them ever considered the needs of their son Jock or how their behavior affected him.
Then one night, after a particularly ugly fight, Pamela had run out of the house falling down drunk and left. Later that evening, the family got the call that she had been killed in a drunk driving accident. John Ross had gone straight upstairs, taken his pistol, and blew his brains out all over the wall.
Christopher shook his head, trying to clear the bad memories from his mind. "Your brother and sisters leave already?"
"Yeah," RJ informed him. "Left right after the funeral. They all have kids and jobs and lives to get back to. Even I have to get back to the office tomorrow."
"No rest for the President of Ewing Energies, right?"
"Right," RJ laughed. "Dad...do you think Jock is going to be okay?"
"Jock had enough of his grandmother in him that he has the strength to face anything. He's going to be just fine."
***
John Ross only did it to hurt me. He is still angry that I sided with Bobby against him.
Her name is Sasha. Another bastard child from one of JR's whores… a woman named Serena.
John Ross thought I would fall apart and start drinking again. But he's wrong.
JR may have children scattered all over the planet, but I am the only woman he truly cared for and it was my son he always treated as his true heir.
Jock flipped the page and took a deep breath when he saw the next entry.
We laid John Ross and Pamela to rest today. Side by side, as it should be. They loved each other so much. John Ross couldn't stand the thought of living without her knowing he was the cause of her death.
Such tragedy. And little Jock is so confused. I know I shouldn't feel this way, but maybe it's better his parents are gone. They won't have the chance to damage him the way JR and I damaged John Ross.
I'll take care of him. From this point on, I will devote my life to making sure that little boy is happy and healthy and loved. I swear on the grave of my beloved JR that the cycle of poison ends with our grandson.
"And you were true to your promise," Jock whispered to his grandmother.
He read through the rest of the diary. As Sue Ellen got older, she wrote less and less frequently. There were entries about how proud she was of Jock, about his wedding to Karen, about his election to the US Senate.
But mostly, when Sue Ellen wrote, she wrote about JR. As the years passed by, she seemed to forget all the bad times and focus on what had been good between them.
He got to the final page and sucked in another deep breath. He steeled his nerves and continued reading.
I don't have much time left. I feel it deep in my bones. Every day is a struggle and I'm so weak.
All the others have already gone. Ray and Val passed two years ago. Jenna and Donna both left us last year. Gary went a few months ago.
The only ones left are me and Bobby. Bobby isn't doing well either, and I pray to God I go before him. I don't think I have the strength to mourn that man's death.
Jock and Karen will be having children soon I suppose. I'm sorry I won't get to meet them. But I know they will be loved and happy.
I am so proud of Jock. He is the one good thing that came out of me and JR.
And JR...I will be with him again soon. How I have missed him all these many years. I can't wait to see his beautiful eyes, to have him smile that devilish grin at me again.
I just want to rest now. If I don't wake up in the morning, I will be happy. I'll finally be back in JR's arms where I have always belonged.
Tears welled up in Jock's eyes as he closed the diary.
In the end, his grandmother had found peace. And he was so thankful for that.
He stood up, walked to the window, and a faint smile spread across his face. Reading those diaries had been hard, but he was glad he had done it. He understood his life, his family, and who he was so much better now.
And he finally understood who his grandfather really was, how he had dominated his father and his grandmother's life.
"You're right, grandmother," he chucked. "Karen and I are having a child very soon.
He and Karen had known for weeks that she was pregnant. They hadn't told the family because RJ's wife had recently suffered a miscarriage and they wanted to give her time to heal before they made the announcement.
But the baby was healthy. And just last week, the doctor had told him it would be a boy.
"John Ross Ewing V," Jock mused. "And we are going to call him JR."
***
THE END
