Imagine, if you will, the opening act of
Speed. Add the divorce drama of
Kramer vs. Kramer and some self-indulgent, naturalistic navel gazing reminiscent of
thirtysomething. Then throw in the directional gusto and production values of a daytime soap opera. Oh yes, and set it at the scene of one of the worst atrocities to happen in the West in living memory.
What could possibly go wrong?
The ever-reliable Wikipedia reports someone at The New York Post to have said this film was "panned on social media as 'offensive'" (now I'm repeating it, that's something like fourth hand). Based on nothing but the trailer,
another source said it "looks like one of the most offensive films ever made."
In execution the film is actually far too bland to be truly offensive. I'm sure there are plenty of other films with backdrops of real-life war or tragedy that should offend far more.
9/11 (the film) is undeniably tacky, though - even more so considering some of Charlie Sheen's comments regarding the collapse of the towers.
The most peculiar thing was that it's really unclear what - if anything - the film is trying to say about 11th September, other than an acknowledgement that it happened (which, let's face it, everyone on the planet knows about anyway). I couldn't help wondering why it was set there at all. The characters could be stuck in any old falling lift on any given day and it would have changed very little.
Characters watch actual news footage, which feels like an attempt to legitimise it but, frankly, only serve to make it seem tackier, making the self-obsessed characters' whining seem even more malapropos. Imagine spending possibly your last hours on earth in confinement with a narcissistic, feuding couple making the situation all about them. It's horrific in all the wrong ways.
The film went out of its way to make the characters unlikeable. Apart from the self-centred couple, there's the girl who has just dumped the rich, much older boyfriend who's been keeping her who works on an upper floor. At one point, on hearing what's happened to the tower, she guiltily confesses a secret heartfelt wish that he's been killed. And reflecting on the material riches he's provided her, she wails "You don't own it. It owns you. He owns you". It's typical of this film's dialogue. It seems intended to be deep and reflective, but just feels like production line soap opera. And it doesn't create empathy with the character. Why doesn't she go out and get a job and buy her own stuff? Then there's the bike courier who casually throws out racist epithets about Pakistani cab drivers. Since he's black is it meant to be an earnest attempt to add nuance by showing us that racism isn't exclusively restricted to white people? Pass. It's just another example of the weird, messy mess that is this film.
If, as seems to be the case, the people behind this film seem to want us to hate the characters early on so we can grow to like or even love them, it fails miserably. As I said, it's far too bland for us to care one way or another. I suppose I can half-heartedly applaud the choices made because even though it feels very much like bland made for TV film, at least it's not
saccharine bland in the way most Lifetime movies are.
The performances are acceptable. Not the worst I've seen. Poor Charlie Sheen comes off the worst. He's fine as the cocky billionaire, but his range seems extremely limited. A couple of key moments when he's going for quietly pained nobility are embarrassingly awkward. Gina Gershon's performance might have been fine, but I couldn't get past that glamour model pout.
The best scenes were actually the cutaways to more peripheral characters. Whoopi Goldberg was characteristically reliable and likeable as Metzie, while Jacqueline Bissett was the best thing in the entire film with her natural poised regality perfectly suited to this character, occasionally crumbling as the gravity of the situation dawns on her. It's through her eyes that the film makes any kind of sense (apart from the fact that the youthful Jackie is meant to be Gina Gershon's
mother, stretching my already frail credulity to the limits).
I feel bad even admitting this, but one scene in which the lift dropped as we saw the characters inside emote and thrash about in slow motion was so amateurishly directed and performed that it was comical. I burst out laughing and had a similar feeling to the aftermath of a Jimmy Carr joke: you know laughing makes you a slightly less-nice person, but funny is funny. And when bad films that don't know they're bad are funny, they're
really funny.
Probably the kindest thing I could have said about this film is that it's "well-intentioned" (always a backhanded compliment). Trouble is, because I have no idea what it's trying to say, I can't even be certain about
that.
