SoapLand - The Battle Of The Soliloquies - The Result

[Willie Oleson]

This is about soap characters talking to themselves or to people no longer alive.
That could be: reviewing the situation, putting in words how they feel, expressions of love, vows of revenge etc.

But who said it best?​

 

[Willie Oleson]

Question: does talking to a grave or dead person also count as a soliloquy?

 

[Daniel Avery]

It had better, or this is going to be a much tougher contest.

 

[Willie Oleson]

It had better, or this is going to be a much tougher contest.

OK, edited that part.

 

[Carrie Fairchild]

1 - Miss Ellie talks to Bobby at his graveside - Dallas: I was an intermittent watcher of Dallas so I wouldn't know the series inside out but this scene always stuck with me. Barbara Bel Geddes was an amazing actress and she really shone in this scene. Plus, the beautiful sunny fields of Southfork added to the warmth of Miss Ellie's words.

2 - Angela's Final Speech - Falcon Crest: probably the most famous soliloquy out of all the soaps, it could be considered a tad hammy but I feel it wrapped the show up nicely in a bow, giving a nod to characters past and present.

3 - Sable Pleads to a painting - The Colbys: fresh from running over her sainted sister in law, Sable fixes herself a stiff one and begs Connie's portrait for forgiveness. I love how her mood rapidly shifts from begging for vindication to plotting vengeance in a matter of seconds.

4 - Claudia's Last Hurrah - Dynasty: not quite sure if this qualifies as a soliloquy. It's more of a rant but it features someone talking to themselves so I'm putting it in. As ridiculous as the whole thing was, there was something a bit haunting about Claudia wandering around breathlessly saying "Liars! Liars! All of them. All of them" before meeting her maker at the hands of the most flammable curtains in the world.

5 - Alexis vows to enlist Ben's help in destroying Blake - Dynasty: from season six episode The Dismissal, I've added this in because it sticks in my mind for being so hammy. Alexis tries it on with Blake and when he spurns her advances, she gives him the "Every man I've ever loved, has tried to control me" speech. Blake sods off but she continues to rant to herself "I'll make you pay for this Blake. And I know just the man who's going to help me do it. Because he loathes you as much as I do". So we could've left things on a cliffhanger there and then, leaving viewers wondering just who Alexis was going to enlist. But this was mid-era Dynasty where subtlety had long since gone out the window, so Alexis continues to rant "Your brother Ben. You're going to regret this. Damn You!!". It really just stank of the writers trying to squeeze in as much exposition as possible in order to avoid having to do much with Ben's introduction.

 

[Daniel Avery]

1. Knots Landing's newest widower, Greg Sumner, finally has some "alone-time" after the wake to listen to a tape Laura left for him. He ugly-cries and tells Laura how much he loves her, and hopes that he doesn't end up hating her.

2. KL's Karen has a chat with Sid's gravestone, letting him know that although she will always love him, she couldn't be "his wife" any more. She finally takes off her wedding ring, opting to wear it on a chain around her neck.

3. Falcon Crest's Angela gives her summing-up speech in the series finale. Too bad more soaps can't get such a send-off.

4. KL's Lilimae has a bizarre/pathetic catharsis during the private viewing before Chip's funeral, where seeing him in the casket makes her break down and deal with her "road rage" episode. Bonus points for Michael Sabatino playing dead through the whole thing.

5. KL's Greg speaking to the portrait of Paul Galveston, proclaiming that he would never be the "total barbarian" his father had been. It was a total rip-off of those "chats" everyone had with the portrait of Jock Ewing, but still worked because...Devane.

 

[Willie Oleson]

1. Lilimae struggles with dead Chip's evilness (Knots Landing)

I love this scene, she's still trying to justify her feelings for him.

2. JR talks to Jock's portrait (Dallas)

"And nobody's gonna take Ewing Oil away from me, or my son or his son"
Is it a legacy or a curse?
There is something sinister and haunting about this scene, I think it's combination of the portrait and the score which reminds me of those British thrillers from the 1970s.

3. Sean Rowan vows revenge on the Carringtons (Dynasty)

"It's working, dad. Alexis is going to be sorry for what she did to you and Kirby. Carrington and his family are going to pay too (etc, etc)".
He sounds tired, almost as if he knows that this is going to be his last mission.

4. Liars, liars, liars, all of them (Dynasty)


5. Greg Sumner talks to Galveston's portrait (Knots Landing)

 

[Richard Channing]

1. Rock bottom

Short but oh so powerful. After waking up in a hotel room and realizing her wedding ring has been stolen Sue Ellen makes a chilling declaration in the mirror. I just watched this again and it sent shivers up my spine. Linda Gray gives a powerhouse performance here.



Sue Ellen: JR's right. They're all right. You are disgusting. I hate you. I HATE YOU!


2. A woman scorned

So much happens in this scene that kind of beautifully sums up what Dynasty is all about. After being unmasked, Alexis tries to lie her way out of it and then goes on to declare her love for Blake. We also get a first mention of Adam, and his existence and disappearance gives us an insight into an event that could go along way to explain why Blake and Alexis are who they are. When Alexis is rejected she goes into woman scorned mode and vows that it's not going to end this way. This was before these kind of declarations became par for the course which makes it all the more impactful and sets the scene for the battles to come.

Alexis: Oh no Blake, it's not gonna end this way. I didn't fight this hard to lose. I may have lost you now but I'm not going to lose everything. Oh no. Oh NO.


3. He's back

JR hit his own rock bottom after Jock died, but not one to stay defeated for long, he rises again and makes a declaration which, similar to Alexis' speech, sums up what Dallas is all about at it's core.

JR: I'm back Daddy. And nobody's gonna take Ewing oil away from me or my son or his son. I swear to you by god I'm gonna make you proud of me.


4. Twisted sister

Lady Jessica arrives at Southfork and on first impressions seems like a nice enough lady. Miss Ellie seems to think so anyway and extends a warm welcome to her. But once she leaves the room Jessica reveals her true nature in a Machiavellian little speech that's camp as Christmas.



Miss Ellie: I'm glad we're gonna be family.
Lady Jessica: Family? Oh I don't think so. I wouldn't count on your marrying brother Clayton, Miss Ellie. I wouldn't count on it at all.


5. Whore Val

A great performance from Joan Van Arc and truly once of Knots landings WTF moments. Sweet as pie Valene turns into a bad girl maneater before our very eyes. It's like evil Superman meets Bad Sandy and it's one hell of a scene.



Val : You are beautiful, and there isn't a man in town who wouldn't want you, just the way you are. I'm sure that you could get anything you want to, anything you put your mind to. I'm right about that, aren't I? Valene Ewing, you're gonna get yourself a man.

 

[Willie Oleson]

This was before these kind of declarations became par for the course

Yes, just like the "surprising" turns in the doorway, followed by a bitchy threat or insult. Haha.

 

[Angela Channing]

1. Angela's final speech to Falcon Crest, paying tribute to the characters in the series and to Falcon Crest itself. The perfect way to conclude the series. FALCON CREST

2. Angelica kills Nicolas and recalls Grace's final words before she died and then vows to kill Jack and JR all while wiping the blood off her hair pin before placing in back in her hair. DALLAS

3. Sue Ellen is in the sanatorium (again) and the nurse offers to sell her some alcohol. Sue Ellen refuses and presses the buzzer for an attendant. When the nurse leaves, Sue Ellen vows that she can beat her alcohol addiction. (sorry I can remember the name of the episode or even which season this was). DALLAS

4. Sue Ellen wakes up after another alcoholic bender, looks into the mirror waving a bottle and calls herself disgusting. DALLAS

5. Titus clumsily folds a newspaper and throws it down angrily and menacingly says (like only Howard Duff can) something like he's had enough of Lane Ballou and vows to find out what she is hiding. I think it was in the episode Bad Girl of FLAMINGO ROAD.

 

[Daniel Avery]

I can't believe I forgot Whore Val....oh, well, I'll leave my list as is and give her an "Honorable Mention".

Why couldn't we have gotten Whore Val 2.0 when she developed the Brain Virus in later seasons? She was a lot more fun (for us and certainly for JvA) than the bizarre, paranoid Val with too much lipstick and the "I demand to speak to a manager" haircut.

 

[Willie Oleson]

oh, well, I'll leave my list as is

I'm going to change my list.
While I was looking for favourite DYNASTY cliffhangers, I stumbled upon this exciting and soap-tastic monologue:

Adam overhears Blake and Jeff's conversation.

Blake is going to rewrite his will, and Jeff is going to be one of the beneficiaries, and also the one who inherits control of Denver-Carrington.

Adam, furious about this betrayal, enters his room.

"You're not going to do this to me, no matter what I have to do to stop you. I'm your son, your eldest son, your true son. And Denver-Carrington is mine. It's mine! It's MINE!!"
And then he smashes Blake's portrait to smithereens.




1. Lilimae / Chip
2. Adam Carrington / It's mine!
3. JR talks to Jock's portrait
4. Sean Rowan vows revenge on the Carringtons
5. Greg Sumner talks to Galveston's portrait

 

[Richard Channing]

I'm going to change my list.
While I was looking for favourite DYNASTY cliffhangers, I stumbled upon this exciting and soap-tastic monologue:

Adam overhears Blake and Jeff's conversation.
View attachment 12549
Blake is going to rewrite his will, and Jeff is going to be one of the beneficiaries, and also the one who inherits control of Denver-Carrington.

Adam, furious about this betrayal, enters his room.
View attachment 12550
"You're not going to do this to me, no matter what I have to do to stop you. I'm your son, your eldest son, your true son. And Denver-Carrington is mine. It's mine! It's MINE!!"
And then he smashes Blake's portrait to smithereens.
View attachment 12551



1. Lilimae / Chip
2. Adam Carrington / It's mine!
3. JR talks to Jock's portrait
4. Sean Rowan vows revenge on the Carringtons
5. Greg Sumner talks to Galveston's portrait

Claudia is not happy about being removed from your list and has just lit an extra candle and whispered "Willie".

 

[Willie Oleson]

and has just lit an extra candle and whispered "Willie".

I hope it's MY candle that starts the fire!

 

[Willie Oleson]

Btw, didn't Richard Channing perform a monologue on FC, something about being rejected by his half-brother? I think he wiped the soldier miniatures from his desk?
I don't remember exactly what he said, and maybe there was someone in the room (Diana?)

 

[Richard Channing]

Btw, didn't Richard Channing perform a monologue on FC, something about being rejected by his half-brother? I think he wiped the soldier miniatures from his desk?
I don't remember exactly what he said, and maybe there was someone in the room (Diana?)

I did try to think if there were any from Richard when I was compiling my list and that scene did spring to mind but I also don't remember the details. I don't know if he spoke to Diana then did that when she left the room maybe? Maybe someone else knows.

 

[James from London]

I did try to think if there were any from Richard

I remember one he had as Michael Tyrone on FLAMINGO ROAD. He's sitting in front of a chess board. “Soon I shall destroy each and every one of them,” he murmurs, "Titus, Claude, Field, Constance … ” As he mentions each name, he knocks over a different chess piece. Then he picks up the Queen and holds in front of his face. “... But the very first move in the game is Lute-Mae Sanders,” he adds, before tossing it onto the fireplace where it begins to burn. It’s a brilliant scene. Utterly bonkers, but brilliant.

 

[Angela Channing]

I remember one he had as Michael Tyrone on FLAMINGO ROAD. He's sitting in front of a chess board. “Soon I shall destroy each and every one of them,” he murmurs, "Titus, Claude, Field, Constance … ” As he mentions each name, he knocks over a different chess piece. Then he picks up the Queen and holds in front of his face. “... But the very first move in the game is Lute-Mae Sanders,” he adds, before tossing it onto the fireplace where it begins to burn. It’s a brilliant scene. Utterly bonkers, but brilliant.

It's a great scene and I would have included it in my list but I didn't consider it to be a soliloquy because he said it to a mystery woman on the phone.

 

[James from London]

It's a great scene and I would have included it in my list but I didn't consider it to be a soliloquy because he said it to a mystery woman on the phone.

In which case I nominate it for Top 5 Soap Land Mystery Phone Calls instead!

 

[Toni]

I did try to think if there were any from Richard when I was compiling my list and that scene did spring to mind but I also don't remember the details. I don't know if he spoke to Diana then did that when she left the room maybe? Maybe someone else knows.

@Richard Channing, a couple of questions before posting my choices: Are taped wills considered as soliloquies (in theory they should: the person - eg, Laura Sumner - was alone when she taped it)? And, are monologues to Ugly Babies who can´t talk, acceptable too - eg, Pam and Christopher)?