Thank you Biggie! Makes me feel better
Hopefully this helps as well, as this conversation brings me to something else I used to hate, and that’s social anxiety. I’ve had it most of my life so avoiding large groups is part of who I am. I used to think that there was something wrong with me that I was like this. I just can’t be around too many people at once and it’s been this way since I was a teenager. Any kind of large group that you put me in I will go into the biggest shell. I’ll barely talk and if I do speak I’ll stutter really bad. But my point is that the people that know me and truly care about me understand it. Weddings, wakes, funerals, concerts, sporting events, you name it and I’ve probably avoided it. To a lot of people I know it looks like I’m standoffish and I don’t want to be bothered, or maybe it looks like I think I’m too good to hang out with them or I’m being disrespectful but nothing could be further from the truth. My family understands it’s just who I am. So from someone that avoids large groups as a way of life trust me there’s nothing wrong with how you feel.
As an example, the holidays are very big in my family. And some years I go, and some years I don’t. I’m the only one that calls first and asks how many people are coming this year? If it’s 15 or 20, I’m probably out. Or maybe I’ll go but be very quiet all day. If it’s just a few people then I’m happy and I’ll definitely go. It all depends on how I feel. Again, most people don’t get it and don’t even try to but that’s fine. I get it and that’s who I am and that’s good enough for me.
I hate saying this next part because I don’t want it to be misconstrued and I mean no disrespect to anyone but the pandemic was at times a blessing in disguise for me. It allowed me a lot of time for myself and there was no pressure of seeing anyone I didn’t feel like seeing. I was able to avoid large groups everywhere I went. For the first time in years I felt relaxed in public instead of always being timid. Again, please forgive that part if it does offend cause that obviously isn’t my intent. I’m not comparing social anxiety to the pandemic. But with the virus came a lot of anxiety obviously for all of us. All through the pandemic last year and even now I will hear people say how socially awkward and scared they felt about being around people and how some of them will never do large groups again. And that’s totally understandable. I get that but obviously I get it for my own reasons, as I was like this long before the pandemic. Being socially awkward for me has always been a way of life.