Pam is a nitwit to blame Bobby and the Ewings for her mother’s death

[Mustard]

Many marriages for example don't survive if a child dies. It's such a mix of different emotions which in retrospect are hard to capture.

There's usually two ways that it goes if a child dies. It either brings them closer together, or it drives them apart. The latter is more common. If they do become closer, it's usually because they grieve for their child in similar ways. It can be things as simple as whether to get rid of the deceased's clothes immediately or to hang on to them for years, with a difference of opinion on it driving them apart.

 

[DallasFanForever]

Put yourself in Pam's shoes. She did everything to stop the Battle for Ewing Oil from happening. Her husband Bobby plows on with it, and the whole battle was disastrous

I think that’s the part a lot of people miss with this. Pam’s reaction, whether right or wrong, is totally natural. Her marriage was crumbling, the war wasn’t ending anytime soon, and now her mother was dead. It’s human nature to assign blame when we are hurting, and Pam was in a delicate state at this point. She had a history of mental trauma already, and that had to be on her mind as well. She was trying to avoid another breakdown, and the lashing out with blame was a part of that. She had had it at this point.

 

[darling of dallas]

Bobby:
Hey Pam, I know your mom just died after a horrific plane crash, trying to stop JR from destroying the entire structure of the oil industry in Texas with his cut rat gas stations; and yes, I've been acting like a jackass too, but, do you want to go on vacation for a few days to get over her death?

Pam:
Hey Bobby, I just watched my mother die!! I'm going to need more than a few days vacation to get over this one!

Perhaps if Bobby had thought of going on that vacation sooner, Mark Graison - the type of 'friend' lurking about just waiting on a husband to screw up - wouldn't have been able to move in on Pam.

Others have already pointed out all of the events that led to Pam's decision to leave Bobby. Rebecca's death was just the final straw. She had had enough of Bobby and his loyalty to Ewing Oil. She she had enough of Bobby and his never ending need to please his father. Jock was dead. Jock was far from a perfect father.

Bobby forsook his wife for his father. In Season 6: episode 9, Fringe Benefits, Pam pleads with Bobby to leave Dallas. Bobby tells her that his father had confidence in him and he's not going to back off from the competition "not now, not ever".

In that same scene, Bobby also argues that Miss Ellie's faith in Jock's judgment would allow his mother to get through the fight. Apparently, Miss Ellie became to see that Jock was flawed, and she questioned his judgement by going to o court to overturn his will.

Miss Ellie told Bobby that he was responsible for the break up of his marriage. Ray told Bobby that he had changed. Punk Anderson told Bobby and JR that they were going against their father's intentions. Harv Smithfield told Bobby and JR that they are wrong.

EVERYBODY told Bobby that he was wrong. He just wouldn't listen.

Pam told Bobby and everyone she spoke to that she was afraid someone was going to get HURT because of the battle. Turns out, her mother was KILLED because it. No, Bobby was not directly at fault for Rebecca's death, but he sure could have prevented it from happening. Thus, he is responsible for his wife leaving him.

 

[Mustard]

The irony is that during the Battle for Ewing Oil, J.R. acted more like Bobby at times (cut price gas stations, playing at being a "man of the people", a visit to Castro's Cuba), while Bobby acted more like J.R. (blackmailing George Hicks after setting him up with cocaine, planting a loaded pistol on Walt Driscoll as he was about to board a plane).

 

[Chris2]

Pam told Bobby and everyone she spoke to that she was afraid someone was going to get HURT because of the battle. Turns out, her mother was KILLED because it. No, Bobby was not directly at fault for Rebecca's death, but he sure could have prevented it from happening. Thus, he is responsible for his wife leaving him.

Rebecca could have also prevented her own death from happening by staying the hell out of the battle, which Pam repeatedly warned her about. And Pam herself could have prevented Rebecca’s death from happening by not tracking down her mother to begin with and involving her in the fucked up Barnes/Ewing feud. If you’re going to use that logic, then several people could have prevented Rebecca’s death from happening.

 

[Mustard]

Rebecca could have also prevented her own death from happening by staying the hell out of the battle, which Pam repeatedly warned her about. And Pam herself could have prevented Rebecca’s death from happening by not tracking down her mother to begin with and involving her in the fucked up Barnes/Ewing feud. If you’re going to use that logic, then several people could have prevented Rebecca’s death from happening.

Just look at what the Battle for Ewing Oil did to the years long dynamic of the Ewings at Southfork.

Miss Ellie and Pam fail to break Jock's Will
J.R. and Bobby at daggers' drawn
J.R. upsets all the Texas oil community with cut price gas stations
Bobby sets up and blackmails a man on the Texas Energy Commission
Mark moves in on Pam
Rebecca's death
Pam leaves Southfork
Walt Driscoll in jail
J.R. not getting his money so has to find a way to travel to Cuba
J.R. in a Cuban jail overnight
Sue Ellen catches J.R. in bed with Holly
Mickey Trotter paralyzed
Miss Ellie on the point of a nervous breakdown and taken away by Clayton
Southfork in flames as J.R, and Ray fight, while John Ross and a sedated Sue Ellen sleep upstairs

Disaster.

 

[LMLDallas78]

Pam leaves Southfork

She'd left before this too.

Southfork in flames as J.R, and Ray fight, while John Ross and a sedated Sue Ellen sleep upstairs

Southfork should have been full that night then it could've been a real disaster.
Did we really think John Ross or Sue Ellen wouldn't survive?

Rebecca's death

There sure were some rubbish pilots in Dallas.

 

[darling of dallas]

Yes, but "several people" didn't have a stake in Rebecca's well being.
BOBBY did, because Bobby actually LOVED his wife and wanted to stay married to her.

Bobby's response to Rebecca's death was callous and insensitive. Pam had lost her mother.
No, Rebecca wasn't much of a mother.
After all, she abandoned Pam as a toddler. She denied knowing Pam as an adult. Later, she sided with her Cliff over Pam, causing Pam to ask her if Cliff was more important to her than she.
The way I see it, Rebecca wasn't worth too many tears. More over, she certainly had not earned the right to ask Pam to promise her a damn thing. Had Pam not been trying to help Cliff, she wouldn't have gotten manipulated by Mark and Katherine.

But, good grief Bobby, your wife was hurting! Show her some compassion.

Pam didn't need to go on vacation. She needed Bobby to evaluate the toll that the fight for Ewing Oil was having on the entire family. Even Donna and Ray had joined in, making it a three-sided fight.
Pam needed Bobby to give her some room because she felt her life had just "exploded around her."

Bobby decided that since Pam wouldn't live on Southfork, he would put his marriage on a hold while he and slugged it out with JR. Big mistake!
Bobby was acting like JR. The problem with that was Bobby wasn't married to Another Sue Ellen. How many times must Pam tell him this?

Here would have been my suggestion for Bobby.
Go to the office and slug it out with JR. At the end of the day, instead of pouting and going back to your boyhood bed at Southfork, go to the hotel and sleep with your wife. The next morning, when Mark or Katherine rings the doorbell, go to the door wearing only your boxers. That way, at least you would be protecting the marriage that you really, really want while you fight your brother.

 

[LMLDallas78]

The problem with that was Bobby wasn't married to Another Sue Ellen.

Bobby felt as though Pam didn't support him. Yes Bobby turned horrid during the Ewing Oil fight, but she often chose her family, he often chose his.

Bobby told Sue Ellen once that he didn't admire JR often, but he did just a bit when he saw Sue Ellen standing by her husband.

Going back to Bobby being a male Mary Sue he was also the go between for Val and Lucy. Bobby had a gift for sorting others relationships but wasn't always so good at his own.

Male Mary Sue or Knight in shining armour? Either one maybe Pam should have realised exactly what Bobby had accomplished because there was a very long list of his achievements.

 

[Billy Wall]

Here would have been my suggestion for Bobby.
Go to the office and slug it out with JR. At the end of the day, instead of pouting and going back to your boyhood bed at Southfork, go to the hotel and sleep with your wife. The next morning, when Mark or Katherine rings the doorbell, go to the door wearing only your boxers. That way, at least you would be protecting the marriage that you really, really want while you fight your brother.

Agreed with everything, but I'm not too sure about this. The way Pam left Southfork, you think she would allow Bobby to come sleep with her at her condo? Remember, she wanted space from Bobby. At that point, they were pretty much separated.

 

[darling of dallas]

Actually, she invited him over "for a drink" and did just that.
The problem was, the morning after, Bobby proceeded to tell her that he would send the boys from Southfork over to collect her things. They argued, and Mark turned up, while Bobby was there, WITH FLOWERS in hand!

At this point, Bobby should have had the boys bring his bags to the hotel.

Pam did support Bobby. She is the reason Bobby becomes an executive at Ewing Oil in the first place. When they met, Bobby was a roadman. Pam is the person who tells Bobby that he is capable of doing so much more in the family business.

She supported him when the competition started. Then, Bobby started to change. Pam believed that a business could be run with some integrity. She didn't believe that Bobby needed to use dirty tricks or get down in the mud with JR to be successful.

What was it all for anyway? Bobby WON the Battle for Ewing Oil. Then, literally moments after the competition was over, Jock's letter was read, and Bobby basically handed the company back to JR. Bobby pretty much lost his wife for nothing.

Sorry LML Dallas78, I'm not going to touch that comment about Sue Ellen's loyalty to JR. I don't have the time and, you don't want to know what I think about Sue Ellen and JR's marriage.

 

[LMLDallas78]

Sorry LML Dallas78, I'm not going to touch that comment about Sue Ellen's loyalty to JR.

It was actually Bobby's comment, I was merely pointing out what he'd said from his point of view.

you don't want to know what I think about Sue Ellen and JR's marriage.

I can probably guess!

 

[Jock Ewing Fan]

Bobby was not responsible for Rebecca's fate. Neither was JR
I wouldn't say Cliff was responsible, but Katherine had a point
about Rebecca getting on the plane to fight Cliff's battles.
Jr and Cliff were always at odds.
Rebecca might have taken the plane anyway to battle JR and the Ewings
whether there was a battle for Ewing Oil or not

Bobby had faults, he wasn't always right
but Pam was no model of virtue , either.
The solution to a disagreement about Bobby's competition for Ewing Oil
is not suing Jock's will, leaving SF and meeting another man in France
(Yes, I know Mark followed her, but he was already pursuing her)
The solution is to talk with each other, set boundaries, and find areas of agreement
And often, predicting bad outcomes becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy,
along with confirmation biases.

So Bobby is somehow responsible for pilot error, and in a later season, not having
psychic powers to know that JR was consorting with undesirables. LOL!

I am no great fan of Bobby the golden one, but he was blameless in those situations

 

[darling of dallas]

It was actually Bobby's comment, I was merely pointing out what he'd said from his point of view.



I can probably guess!

Apologies my friend, you did attribute the comment to Bobby. And, I completely understood that.
I should have left it at I'm not going to touch "that" comment, referring to Bobby.

 

[Billy Wall]

Actually, she invited him over "for a drink" and did just that.

That was later. I was talking about when she initially moved out.

What was it all for anyway? Bobby WON the Battle for Ewing Oil. Then, literally moments after the competition was over, Jock's letter was read, and Bobby basically handed the company back to JR. Bobby pretty much lost his wife for nothing.

Jock's letter was BS. He had to know that JR wasn't going to abide by that letter. If I was Bobby, I'd been furious.

 

[darling of dallas]

That was later. I was talking about when she initially moved out.



Jock's letter was BS. He had to know that JR wasn't going to abide by that letter. If I was Bobby, I'd been furious.

yes and agreed

 

[Sarah Danner]

While they were married, Bobby never cheated on Pam. He was tempted with Jenna Wade during the Francine Tacker appearance but temptation is as far as it got. Meanwhile, Pam had her tongue down the throats of Alex Ward and Mark Graison.

 

[Chris2]

I’m watching these episodes now. I don’t blame Pam for packing up, but it’s her actions before and after that are obnoxious. Specifically:

• Pam needs to recognize that Rebecca was responsible for her own decisions. There was no real reason for her to be sticking her nose into the whole battle and trying to be the one to “stop JR.” The battle for Ewing Oil had nothing to do with Cliff. That hypocritical old bat just wanted revenge. Too bad for her.
• Pam is always a lousy communicator when something is bothering her. She mopes and sulks and withdraws from Bobby. Before ever leaving Bobby, she should have sat him down and had a rational conversation, preferably around the time Ellie went to court to break the will. Because she shouldn’t have been relying on the courts to help her. “Bobby, this contest is affecting us in ways that I can’t live with. You need to make a choice about what’s most important to you. Because i won’t play second fiddle to the contest and the company.”
• After leaving Bobby, she should have told the Pornstache, “Mark, I’m a married woman and I have decisions to make about my marriage that don’t involve you. And you need to respect that and leave me alone for now.”
• There’s that wailing scene at Rebecca’s house after the funeral. Not one of Victoria’s finer acting moments.

Of course, if people on soap operas were rational, those shows would be awfully boring.

 

[LMLDallas78]

There’s that wailing scene at Rebecca’s house after the funeral. Not one of Victoria’s finer acting moments.

Yikes you're brave!!

She mopes and sulks and withdraws from Bobby.

That's right of course, but Bobby had his hot headed way of not listening and his way or no way attitude.

 

[Luke_Krebbs_Ewing]

That's right of course, but Bobby had his hot headed way of not listening and his way or no way attitude.

Yeah I'm afraid he became far too full of himself during the year long battle for control of Ewing Oil.

It was his dedication to the contest between himself and JR which ultimately jeopardised his marriage with Pam.