I don't own any of the characters in this story and no copyright infringement is intended.
This is a "What if?" fanfic. What if in the season eleven episode "Top Gun" Sue Ellen had changed her mind at the last possible moment and instead of teaming up with Kimberly and Wendell to beat JR she voted her Weststar shares to make him CEO?
***
What If
Part 93
***
JR sat back in his chair, his furious eyes narrowed on Ray's bruised and swollen face.
"Here," Clayton handed him a glass of straight up bourbon. "Drink this "
"Now," Miss Ellie said, her voice calm but firm, "JR, what on Earth is going on?"
"Ask Ray," JR growled. "He's the one who has made a lifelong habit of having sex with my women."
"Now hold on, JR," Ray objected. "I already told you it only happened once. And I hardly think you're in any position to throw stones here. It's not like you haven't crawled into bed with women I cared about. Remember Garnett?"
"At least she wasn't your wife," JR shot back. "I could forgive you for Vanessa, I don't care one bit about her. But Sue Ellen? My WIFE, Ray?"
"Vanessa?" Ray repeated. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"Just stop lying, Ray," JR growled. "May as well confess to that one too. Dr. Parks has the DNA. And I don't care. I was furious you were with a woman I was dating, but that SERIOUSLY pales against you having sex with my WIFE."
"Look, I don't know what you're talking about," Ray insisted. "I never laid one finger on Vanessa. As for Sue Ellen… look, JR. She was drunk and neglected and vulnerable.I had had a few beers myself. I took advantage of the situation. I didn't know we were brothers and we never even talked about it afterwards. It was a mistake."
"A mistake," JR mocked. "She's my wife, Ray. I love that woman more than anything else in this world. How am I supposed to look her in the eyes knowing she slept with my own brother?"
"I don't know, JR," Ray said evenly. "How does she look you in the eyes knowing that YOU slept with HER sister?"
"That's not…" JR stopped and took a deep breath, "it's not the same."
"You're right, JR," Ray's voice was low. "You had a full blown affair with Kristin. Me and Sue Ellen had a one night stand. Oh, and no one got knocked up from our mistake. You can't say the same, can you?"
"Jesus," Clayton said under his breath.
"My affair with Kristin doesn't let you off the hook, Ray."
"No, it doesn't," Ray sighed. "JR, you"re my brother and I love you. God knows I love Sue Ellen like a sister and so does Jenna. It was a drunken mistake. It meant nothing to either of us and we never told you because it would only bring a bunch of hurt about something that doesn't even matter."
"It matters to me," JR said, his voice ragged.
"Why?" Ray pushed him. *What does you knowing change? I'm still your brother. Still the same guy I was when you left the house this morning. Sue Ellen is still the same woman you married a few weeks ago. She still loves you with all her heart. She has forgiven you for so much. You have got to forgive her for this."
"It's not about forgiving her," JR bowed his head. "It's about living with it."
"You have to figure out a way to do that,* Ray shrugged. "Unless you want to lose her. And me too, for that matter."
"No," JR said quietly. "I don't want that."
"JR, it meant nothing. To me or to her. I swear it. And as for Vanessa, I don't even remember ever meeting her, much less sleeping with her."
"It had to be you, Ray," JR said solemnly. "Dr. Parks says the DNA proved I'm not James's father, but that I am closely related to him. He's my nephew or my cousin. It can't be Bobby or Gary. That leaves you."
"There's no way it's me," Ray insisted. "Not possible."
"Bobby would have told me the minute James showed up," JR said thoughtfully. "I guess I'd better call Gary and talk to him."
"Gary had already left," Ellie interjected. "It can't be him JR, maybe Dr. Parks is wrong."
"I highly doubt it, Mama. He ran the test twice. Same results both times."
"JR…" Jack hesitated, speaking up for the first time, "you said James could be a cousin?"
"Don't worry, Jack," JR laughed harshly. "You're not a suspect. You were just a kid."
"Yes," Jack agreed, "but…" he raised his eyes and fixed them on Ellie's face.
"But what?" JE prodded. He followed the directions of Jack's gaze and shook his head. "It wasn't Daddy," JR assured his mother. "Dr. Parks said cousin or nephew, not a brother."
"Yes," Ellie sighed heavily. "But you had an uncle…"
"Jason?" JR asked. "He'd already left Dallas by then."
"We came back a few times," Jack informed him. "Jason begged off Jock and Ellie more than once.*
"It's true, JR," Ellie confirmed. "I don't know if the exact timing would work out… but it's possible…"
"If I go in and give my DNA, could Dr. Parks tell if James and I were brothers?"
"I guess," JR shrugged. "It's just hard for me to believe Vanessa and Jason… he was old enough to be her father."
"In those days he was still handsome," Jack told him. "He had a way with the ladies."
"Call Dr. Parks," Ellie instructed him. "Set up a test for Jack."
"Yes, ma"am," JR agreed.
"Good," Ellie nodded. "Now that's settled and everyone is calmer, the rest of us should leave Ray and JR alone to talk. No more fighting, JR. Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes, ma'am," JR repeated, sulking.
"Call Dr. Parks first. Clayton and I will drive Jack and James into Dallas. The sooner all of this gets cleared up, the better."
***
It had been hours. Sue Ellen had cried and cried, so much that she couldn't believe she still had tears left.
If she lived a hundred more years, she'd never forget the look on JR's face the exact moment he understood what Ray's words meant. The anguish. The anger. The betrayal. The pure, raw hurt.
"He will never forgive me," she whispered to herself. *He will never get over it and he'll never forgive me."
She began sobbing again. Damn her and her secrets. Nothing ever stayed buried forever. JR could have dealt with anything else. But not this. Never this
***
"You holding up okay?" JR asked James. He and the others had just gotten back from Dr. Parks' office.
"I guess so," James shrugged. "Maybe I'm just in shock."
"The important thing to remember is that you're a Ewing now. I may not be your father, but you found your family."
"Is Sue Ellen alright?" James asked abruptly.
"I don't know," JR admitted. "I haven't gotten up the nerve to face her yet."
"Guess that's understandable. Listen, John Ross and Christopher are pretty upset."
"What?" JR's eyes grew wide. He'd been so lost in his own torment, he hadn't even thought about the boys. "Yes. I imagine they are. I guess I should go talk to them."
"They're out by the pool with Bobby and Pam," James said helpfully.
"Thanks," JR nodded. "And welcome to the family."
***
"Are you okay?"
*Yeah," Jack sighed heavily. "This isn't exactly how I expected today to go though."
"Do you really think James could be your brother?"
"It would be a wild coincidence. I would be surprised, but not shocked. Jason was a womanizer back in those days."
"How are you going to feel if it turns out to be true?"
"I'll deal with it, I guess. James seems like a decent kid. Might be nice to have a brother. I only wish Jamie was here to meet him too."
"I hope it all works out for everyone," April sighed. "I'm really worried about Sue Ellen. I went up to check on her but she told me to go away."
"She has to be devastated. What an awful way for JR to find out about her and Ray. She has to be so embarrassed. Do you think JR will forgive her?"
"Yes," April's voice was full of conviction. "He loves her. It'll be hard, but they'll get through it."
"Probably. Listen, I know we were supposed to go out to dinner tonight, but I think we ought to stay close to home. Just in case."
"I agree. Sue Ellen might need a friend who isn't a Ewing "
"Would you…"
"Would I what?"
"Would you like to be a Ewing again, April?"
"Jack.. what are you asking me?"
"I had a whole romantic thing planned," he laughed ruefully. "Dinner, dancing, wine. But I guess it wasn't meant to be that way."
He pulled the velvet box out of his pocket and sank down onto one knee in front of her. "April?" he opened the box and offered her the ring. "Will you marry me?"
April blinked several times and shook her head.
"Is that a no?" Jack asked, jis voice low and seductive. "Now, honey, you're not going to turn me down are you?"
April swallowed hard and shook her head again. "No," she finally choked out.
"No you won't marry me or no you aren't turning me down?"
"I will never turn you down, Jack. Not ever again. Yes. Yes I will marry you."
She lunged forward to hug him and knocked him over. He laughed as they tumbled onto the floor together. He pulled her head down to his and kissed her deeply. "I love you," he said when he broke the kiss. "And I can't wait until you're my wife again."
***
"Do you both understand?"
John Ross and Christopher looked up at him with wide eyes.
"You and Uncle Ray won't fight anymore?" Christopher asked.
"Never say never," JR told him. "But we're okay with each other now."
"What about Mama?" John Ross asked.
"What about her?"
"Do you still love her?"
JR sighed heavily and ran a frustrated hand through his hair. He'd been so lucky. The boys had seen the fight, but hadn't been close enough to hear the ugly words that were spoken. All they knew is that he and Ray had a big blow up and that whatever they had been fighting about had upset Sue Ellen very badly. JR had simply told them that it was grown up stuff, related to something that happened years before either of them were born and that he and Ray had talked things through.
"John Ross," JR said, choosing his words carefully. "There will never be a day when I stop loving your mama. We're both very upset right now and we have some things to work out, but everything will be fine."
"But you didn't go after her. She was crying and you just let her go."
"Yes," JR admitted. "I was very angry. I still am. But I'm going to go talk to her now. Listen, nothing in life will ever be perfect. Your mother and I are going to fight over this - and we'll fight over other stuff in the future. But we love each other. That won't change."
"And no one will leave?" Christopher asked, his voice a mixture of fear and hope.
"That's right," JR said, reaching out to pull both boys into his arms. "No one will ever leave again."
***
"Oh, Ray. This is awful."
"I know, Jenna," Ray sighed into the phone. "All these years and he never knew. Then to find out the way he did, in front of the whole family. He reacted badly, but honestly, he took it better than I ever thought he would."
"What about Sue Ellen? Is she okay?"
"I don't know. She won't see anyone."
"What a mess."
"Yeah. And now, not knowing exactly how James fits into things…."
"Someone should go see Vanessa. Find out the truth."
"You couldn't get the truth out of that woman with a chainsaw and a set of industrial strength pliers. We"ll know tomorrow when Jack and James's results come in."
"Yes, but still, aren't you curious as to how she even knew Jason, let alone knew him well enough to sleep with him?"
"A little," Ray admitted. "But I feel like I need to stay out of it. I got enough trouble with JR without sticking my nose in about James."
"Do you think he's really forgiven you?"
"Yes. But forgiving and accepting are two different things. I'm afraid it's going to be a very long time before he can look at me and see Ray his brother and not Ray the man who had sex with his wife."
"God, I wish he'd never found out. He and Sue Ellen were so happy. The family was so close."
"I know," Ray sighed. "But this is going to be a hard thing for JR to get over. If I were in his shoes, I'm not sure I even could do it."
"You got over me and Bobby," Jenna reminded him.
"Yeah, but I knew about that before you and I ever got together. It's not like you and Bobby slept together after me and you got married."
"The old JR… Ray, I'm worried about what he might do. To you and to Sue Ellen."
"I hear you, Jenna. It's crossed my mind that this might be enough to make him revert to his old ways. I'm just not sure what anyone can do about it."
***
JR opened the bedroom door quietly. His eyes went to the bed. He saw his wife lying on her side away from him and he could hear her soft sobs.
"Please go away," she said in a ragged voice. "I don't want to talk to anyone."
"It's me, Sue Ellen," he sighed heavily. "And we have to talk. Whether you want to or not."
Sue Ellen sat up slowly and pushed her hair away from her face. "How did you find out?"
"I didn't. I had no idea. I came home mad as hell because James's paternity test proved he was a relative. I figure Ray had slept with Vanessa. I had no clue about you and him."
"You were...you were that upset and jealous over Vanessa?"
"No." JR walked over and sat down on the bed beside her. "Not about Vanessa. About the fact that he would sleep with any woman I was involved with. Imagine my shock when I discovered it was my wife and not just a girlfriend."
"Oh, JR… I should have told you years ago."
"No," JR shook his head. "I told you before that sometimes it's better to let sleeping dogs lie. If I had known before, well, hell Sue Ellen, I don't know if I could have handled it."
"Can you handle it now?"
"I don't have a choice," he told her, getting up to grab a box of tissue from her vanity. "Here," he handed it to her and sat back down.
She took the tissue and wiped at the tears on her face. "There's always a choice, JR."
"Not this time. Not for me. Ray is my brother. And you… you know how much I love you. I don't think I could live without you and I don't have any intention of trying to find out."
"So… what does that mean for us? Where do we go from here?"
"I need time, Sue Ellen. I'm still in shock. I'm still mad as hell. I can't just pretend I don't know."
"I know that, JR."
"Ray said you were drunk and vulnerable and he took advantage of you. Is that true, Sue Ellen?"
She shifted uncomfortably and dropped her gaze to the quilt on the bed. "I was drunk, yes. I was so sad and angry. So, yes, I guess I was vulnerable. But it's not fair to lay all the blame on Ray."
"Why were you so sad and angry?"
"I… JR, I wanted you. I stupidly tried to seduce you. You got angry and stormed out on me. So I drank and drank and suddenly, Ray was there…"
"Was it good?" JR demanded, his voice suddenly turning harsh. "Do you ever think about him when you and I…" he couldn't finish. The very thought made him sick at his stomach.
"JR," Sue Ellen reached out and hesitantly covered his hand with hers. "The truth is I don't even remember it. Not really. I woke up the next morning knowing what had happened, but not having any detailed memories of it. He tried to talk to me the next day. I wouldn't even look at him. It took me months before I could even stand to look at him. After a while," she shrugged, "the whole thing faded from my mind."
"You're not still attracted to him?"
"I wasn't attracted to him then, JR. He was just...there. And he's your brother! I love him, but as a brother. That's all JR."
JR studied her face carefully and decided she was telling him the truth. "I need time, Sue Ellen," he said again.
"You can have all the time you want," she told him. "Just don't…"
"Don't what?"
"Don't use this as an excuse to go back to your old ways. Don't shut me out and make me feel like nothing. I couldn't stand that, JR."
He reached out and gently cupped her face in his hands. "I won't go back to my old ways, Sue Ellen. There won't be any other women. I won't push you aside. There won't be separate bedrooms or separate lives. But it won't be easy. I won't lie to you about that."
"Okay, JR."
He leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead. "Your eyes and lips are swollen," he told her. "Go clean yourself up and come downstairs. The family needs to see us together - especially the boys."
"Alright, JR. I'm so sorry."
"I know," he stood up and walked over to the door. He turned to look at her and locked eyes with her. "I love you, Sue Ellen. Don't ever doubt me again. If I didn't, I'd be gone."
Sue Ellen watched him leave the room and tears started flowing from her eyes again. "Dear God," she whispered to the empty room, "please let him forgive me."
***
